A friend of mine once posed the question: “Do you think there will be shadows in Heaven?” Light and darkness are such clear-cut metaphors of Good and Evil. Can God, as the source of light, redeem physical darkness? Could there possibly be “good shadows” in Heaven?
I recall my friend’s question every now and then as I explore scripture. Particularly any passage that describes us being protected in the shadow of God’s wings (Ps. 17:8; 36:7; 57:1; 63:7).
What does it mean to be in the shadow of God’s wing? What would a good shadow look like?
I think it would look a great deal like Moses jammed in the cleft of a rock with God’s hand blocking shut the rift, while the Lord’s glory passed by (Ex. 33:17-23; 34:5-7). When we beg God to draw near and show us His glory, and it feels as though He increases the distance. When we long to behold the light of His presence, and He seems to give us darkness instead. These are good shadows. The shadows of God's wing: Someplace small…constrained. Someplace with no detectable updraft; someplace in which we are seemingly alone, shut away from the wind currents of the Holy Spirit.
Someplace protected.
I would like to think that there will be good shadows when we reach Heaven—if only to testify that God’s creation in its entirety is Good. We can not yet know what sights await us there. But I am absolutely certain that good shadows exist in this present life. Moses would not have survived the sight of the Lord’s face. A brief glimpse of His receding glory and the whispered utterance of His holy name was enough to leave Moses glowing like molten metal. We are not yet ready to navigate the unbridled winds of His spirit. The force of such wild currents would crush us. So God protects us. He carefully instills the strength and humility to withstand his intense presence and pure name; He gradually prepares us for the true glories of soaring in His updrafts.
And all the while He guards us in the dark stillness underneath His wing.
266 comments:
1 – 200 of 266 Newer› Newest»Fear is sometimes hard to categoraize and really know where it is all coming from or even of neccessarily. I would say the main one would be 1)Human relationships 2)Not being able to hear God and 3)Not knowing what to do and having such a big change in my life coming up
I'm doing okay tonight. I don't know if I'm just so dead tired that I'm apathetic to wanting anything but my bed, blankie, and stuffed friends or just doing better. Sparky and not sleeping has definitely had a role though... =/ Today wasn't too bad though; I'm a lot better than I was last night anyway.
Unless you've got another idea...
How was your day? How are you?
I finally will have a door, but our bathroom does not now. They will finally be done with my floor tomorrow. ^_^ My backpack is locked in room 8. I still don't have my inhaler, but I do at least have bynadryl for the severe allergic reaction/hives/totally broken outness I have. I'm highly allergic to something whether it's the soap or something in our water. Apart from that, I'm okay. ...just trying to keep skin intact.
:-( Wear mittens. I'm praying for you. <3
As for how I am doing...today was a real battle. I found myself really struggling to view my manager through the eyes of Jesus. I pretty much failed at having a servant's heart today. Always such a humbling experience... Thank goodness we serve such a gracious Lord!
This will be interesting tonight... my door is like an inch off the ground and my bed is on the ground. Please pray. O.o
Well, Jj, we can't win 'em all, but we can certainly give it our all and admit and start again when we don't. :) (Yes, I know that was a run on sentence.)
Probably everything you mentioned under No really... would apply I think. I may not have any fear of dying or of tornados anymore and have come a long way from that, I still have a long ways to go. :P
Like you said yourself, Imoutochan, sometimes we can only "admit and start again" when we don't succeed in a particular day--or even a parituclar five minutes. ^_^ I'm proud of you.
Admitting truly is essential to repentance. One cannot grow until one acknowledges that a need for growth exists.
Starting over can be an even greater challenge. When I've slipped into a moment of anger or fear, doubt or jealousy, it can be so tempting to just wallow around for a bit. (Since I've already failed, it can't really make a difference, right?) But in actuality, each time I choose to wallow, I'm giving the enemy more time to deepen a trench and solify the foundations of one more stronghold. I know all of this in my head...but my hurt and rebellious heart really wants to throw a tantrum for just a few minutes more.
Let's both pray for the obedient discipline needed to "Start again" immediately. Let's sing, or listen to worship songs, recite scripture, or just verbally rededicate our actions and thoughts to the One who loves us best and protects us always. <3
If you would like, we can explore those fears one by one, and ask the Lord to begin showing you how He has you safely nestled in the shadow of His wing in those areas.
Sure, but for what you said sounds like a good plan. ;)
Okay, then you pray about which one you'd like to begin with. I'll be praying, too. When you decide, feel free to begin the discussion. <3 Jj
Okay.
Good. I hope you have a good time! I'm praying for you.
How are you doing today? And how are you and the Lord doing?
I can't answer that question...
It's not fair if I talk, but you can talk.
I'm sorry. :(
Can you explain what you mean (somewhere)?
Dear heart, when a friend asks how you are doing, that means your friend honestly wants to know how you are doing. I'm not going to help you undervalue yourself, Imoutochan. Besides, sharing your thoughts and concerns with your friends is a gift to them.
I'm praying that you are able to sleep tonight; and that you will feel the Lord's protective presence and loving arms surrounding you, my friend.
Oh, sorry.
I didn't have a good day, but there was a couple good moments though. So I will be okay. How are you?
(and by the way, if you would like to write me a note sometime, I'd love to hear how you're doing, what you're thinking, etc.) <3
I'm doing well. ^_^ Actually, the Lord is directing me to begin searching for alternate employment; so I'm going to be focusing on that quite a bit this week. I'd appreciate your prayers, my friend.
I spent part of this past week just revisiting all the passages in the Old Testament I'd previously underlined. It was so wonderful--like a warm cup of tea and a catch-up conversation with an old friend. <3
That's good. I'm glad your day wasn't awful.
Zeph. 3:17 is a good verse.
^_^ I like the third chapter of Zephaniah. I also like Isaiah 35 and 58, as well as Ezekiel 1-2, Hosea 11 and 14, Joel 2, Habakkuk 3, and Malachi 3.
I will continue praying for you, my friend. Trust the Lord; keep pressing in. <3
Thank you for being nice to me Jj.
^_^ You're always welcome, Imoutochan. *-*
Did you have a good day Jj?
I know my redeemer, He lives... I know my reedemer lives... :)
^_^ Yes, I did. Thank you for asking. Did you?
Amen!!! <3
Speaking of your wonderful Redeemer, Imoutochan, how are you doing with the concepts of Love and Protection? (This isn't a quiz; so if you do not have an answer, that's just fine. ^_^)
No, I didn't because I felt bad all day. :( And Sparky was there. It made me sad.
Jesus loves me. :)
I get to play basketball tomorrow. :D
My parents can't take Him away and neither can Sparky and that makes me happy. :D He's all mine, but I will share Him with you if you want. :)
Atta baby! ^_^ No one can take away your relationship with Jesus. No power of heaven, hell, or earth can remove you from His protection and love.
And thank you for offering to share, my friend. *-* I really appreciate you sharing your walk with Jesus; I know others appreciate it as well. ^_^
*-* I missed that.
I will share with you, because I like you a lot. :)
Aww, thanks!
And once again, your questions and thoughts are always welcome. Okay? <3
How you doin' babe? O.o
Love you! <3
*-*
I'm doing pretty good. I'm intrigued: God must have something powerful in store, because I've found myself under *very* heavy spiritual attack both yesterday and today (involving lots of lies, and lots of tears). So I'm looking forward to whatever event, conversation, and/or realization has caused this war in the heavenlies.
Thank you for your friendship and your prayers! <3
Well, I am still awake. I’m sure that’s shocking. But I am more awake than normal and should be able to sleep after basketball games, almost always in fact. Maybe I just feel more awake than normal because I’m coherent, which is also a great mystery. I wish I wasn’t coherent, but so is life… bodies are stupid. Excruciating pain (I would like to point out pain from getting womped on, not of my own accord or just because of playing) is annoying, but the satisfaction and contentment is still far greater in size. I played the best I could do, which is a lot worse than most games, but I haven’t played in forever. That’s pretty darn good I would say. ;) Thanks for coming Jj. Hope it made your day a little better, at least. O.o
I feel led to ask the question on paper, again. I’m not sure why or why it would even matter, but whatever. Do you think Sparkies can leave physical marks? I know they can cause problems, like epilepsy and stuff like that as an example, but can they cause outward things, like cuts and bruises? 1) All summer through the beginning month of the school year I’ve had bruises all the way up my shins. I hadn’t done anything physical, much, all summer and not even until basketball started. I had no idea where they were coming from. I hadn’t done anything that would cause them. 2) I’ve got a bruise that I’ve had for over two weeks now on my arm and now a new one, a nice big pretty one, on my arm again. Both I have done nothing to cause. And both have been around the time where I haven’t slept. I don’t bruise that easily. If I’m bruised it was high-impact. I definitely would have noticed these ones. 3) I had a 6 inch cut on my stomach the other day. I have no idea where it’s from. My shirt wasn’t cut. And again, I hadn’t been asleep and it looked new. – So, just curious your thoughts on the matter. If this isn’t really an important discernment I think I just figured out what it was that is. It’s more of a, not jumping to any conclusions, but just interested and wondering type question. There is not a demon behind every bush.
I like what you wrote. I tend to forget from time to time oppression can be for an actual purpose other than just to be really annoying. I’ve certainly had some hard hits over the last couple weeks. It is intriguing to think about and exciting to think about what God is going to do. In the middle of it though, I struggle with not just thinking I’m constantly messing up and that is why I’m “under oppression.” Like I can’t fight the lies off well, so it gets worse. So, maybe the oppression is my own fault, I’ve let my insecurity screw with my head and there really is no reason behind it but my own failings. It’s comforting to be reminded that maybe God still has a hand his this and it’s not of my own doing. Maybe I’m fighting the best that I can and I’m not messing up constantly. God doesn’t expect perfection. Maybe it’s because I’m growing and doing the right thing that this is happening to me. No, I do not believe there is a demon behind every bush. I also do not believe God causes everything. At times I wonder if it’s just all my emotions getting the better of me. Maybe it is sometimes. Regardless you still have to fight it the same way. You still have to take up arms and do so before the battle even begins. For the record: I do believe it’s oppression. Anyway, nice thought Jj. I’m proud of you.
Don’t you love it when you take a shower then sweat so much you have to take another? I’m not complaining, just bewildered at the fact that I hurt this bad and I’m still conscious. Or that I have a fever this bad and am still conscious. Although I know why… which I will tell you about the last reason later. (Past came back again… Jeeze, how much past can one kid have??) Anyway, just to reiterate: I love you lots and am praying for strength. You ARE strong Jj. Never forget that. You don’t have to gain strength to win; you just have to utilize it. <3 I hope you’re having sweet dreams honey.
^_^ Thanks, Imoutochan.
(I'm going to reply to your thoughts and questions. It may take me some time to pray and formulate my response.)
How are you doing spiritually? It sounds like the Lord is teaching you some things; anything you want to share?
He's teaching me to trust Him. After I wrote you the last of what I did, the Lord and I continued to converse for a few minutes. Which was perhaps the weirdest and maybe one of the most creepy things that has ever happened to me. At the same time it was an amazing and totally calming experience, one like I had never felt before. (He called me cute! O.o) I wish that would happen every night. I didn’t get to sleep but about an hour, but I rested in His arms for a long time. We are continuing to work on the issue of trusting Him. We don’t have race to the finish line though; He’s got it all in His timing. We’re working on it slowly and that’s okay. He let me know how much I was loved and how I don’t have to do anything to gain love or affection, but just be myself – broken and flawed as I am. God is pretty awesome. I think I love Him lots. ;) I’m doing pretty good right now I would say. Me and Him will make it. He’s been healing me and I’ve had to mess up for Him to be able do it fully and for me to be able to see the healing. “Trust His hands.” He CAN be our never ending all-satisfying source of love. But He doesn’t just take away the things we love and the people in our lives on a whim. My friends aren’t going anywhere soon. God is just pretty cool. I think I love Him lots. <3
*-* Thank you, Jesus!!! *-*
That's what it's like to rest in the arms of the Lord. ^_^
Just think: He does that even in the times when you cannot "feel" Him. What you experienced last night DOES happen every night, Imoutochan. That's how precious you are to Him. (And yes, our abba likes to spoil His girls and make much of them. He happens to think they're all very cute!) <3
First of all, thank You, Jesus, for being our Savior and Lord and Lover. You are the perfect, holy embodiment of Adonai's spoken Name. Of your goodness, I beg you: teach us to adore you all the more!
Okay, here is my attempted response to your excellent questions and thoughts from the past couple of days.
As far as demonic forces (or "Sparkies" as you call them) causing outward physical damage to human beings, I honestly don't have a concrete answer for you. All I can offer are my own thoughts. I would personally think that any forces which--when permitted by God--are capable of making children throw themselves into open fires or causing sores and boils on Job, are most likely capable of inflicting visible injuries such as cuts or bruises. There again, like you yourself said, I do not like giving the Enemy credit for every little thing that defies my natural logic. (I’ve known many Believers who made Satan the cause of all their problems and bizarre circumstances…thereby relieving the individuals themselves of any responsibility or the need for introspection.) But I also do not think it is possible to underestimate the hatred our Enemy harbors toward us as God’s beloved creation. Oh, the malice…the destruction these forces could and would wreak, if God were not barring their path…
This is the key: There Will NEVER Be A Time When God Is NOT Barring Satan’s Path. The Most High God is our protector and defender; He alone is all-knowing and all-powerful. His Son holds all authority, and is the embodiment of Truth. His Holy Spirit guides and tutors us in the arts of warring as children and co-heirs. There Will NEVER Be A Time When God Is NOT Barring Satan’s Path. We can surrender, but the Enemy cannot snatch us away without our consent. There Will NEVER EVER Be A Time When God Is NOT Barring Satan’s Path!
We are protected. Protected by the strong right arm of the Lord.
And yet…there are many, many times when it certainly doesn’t seem that we’re protected. Frightening moments and painful seasons leave us trembling, silently wailing. Sometimes we flash with reactionary anger; sometimes we feel only the adrenaline numbness--the unpleasant certainty that “Protected” does not really look the least bit like “Safe.”
For example: 1) In late July, I found myself standing in a kitchen…with a very powerful demonic presence looming directly behind me. And I cannot describe for you the vicious craving that overtook that kitchen. This presence *wanted* me—my soul, my existence—completely annihilated. 2) In the early hours of last Saturday morning, I found myself in a dream of spiritual warfare on behalf of another—a dream that rapidly shifted into a wakeful battle in my own bedroom with a demonic presence standing over me, laughing and taunting. It restricted my ability to speak, and leveled something like the muzzle of a gun between my eyes. 3) Beginning this Monday afternoon and lasting through Tuesday evening, I found myself gripped in an undertow of lies. I could not stop crying. I knew the thoughts an emotions flooding my mind were not true, but I “knew” that in only the most technical sense. All solid footing seemed to disappear in this attack on my heart and mind.
“Protected” really looks nothing at all like “Safe.”
But the lack of “Safe” does not imply the presence of “Failure.”
In each of those spiritual battles I just mentioned, I found myself battling alone. In two of these encounters, I was in an isolated situation; no one was around to help. In the third encounter, I was surrounded by people, yet isolated in my mind; and the Holy Spirit did not direct anyone to step in and fight with/for me. It took all of my strength to remain standing upon the Rock in these Protected moments. Declaring the name “Jesus” rapidly became the crux of my defensive strategy; and as for offensive strategies…I had no spare energy to formulate one.
But the lack of “Safe” does not imply that I failed, that I incurred attack because I am weak and incompetent as a Believer. My orders, as a daughter and handmaiden, are to stand. My Lord is in charge of the Protection. He has never failed yet. And He NEVER will.
^_^
Pretty. ^_^ Thank you!
How are you?
I'm doing well, thanks. ^_^ God give me such beautiful presents--sometimes through His Word and my time with Him, sometimes through beautiful friends. <3
I pray that you're resting in the arms of Jesus, my friend.
Thank you. :)
I think I like God a lot too. ^_^
:D I could not imagine a better gift. <3
I like Christmas music too. :)
I was listening to Christmas music. It makes me Jesus-happy. ^_^
You can have the book back now. I finished the one side. :D It's pretty-full. ;)
I'm sorry I kept Panda up.
Hey, Jesus proected me. He sealed my door and my wall. :D
Oh Jj... I'm so tired. What's wrong with me? :'(
I'm sorry, dear heart. I don't know why you cannot sleep. :'( But hopefully you were able to spend the time listening to worshipful music, or talking with the Lord. <3
I'm so happy that you can see/feel the Lord's protection! Yay! ^_^
So what are the concerns you and/or your family have about church? How can you and I both be praying for your pastor in his walk with the Lord right now?
Well, basically that our church is buying into this new Emerging Church Movement and slowly becoming more and more consumed by it. You can pray that the pastor's eyes would be opened to this. Our youth pastor and councelor pastor have pretty much blinded and deterred him from the truth and our children's pastor. (Yes, we have 4 official pastors 9_9)
My mind could use some prayer Jj. I've gotten really hurt these last few days. ~ Oppression is really heavy. ~ My body is really sick. My fever is really high. My stomach is inside out.
Okay, I'll be praying for the pastors at your church.
And trust me, my friend, I do pray for your mind and heart. I know circumstances in your life are very, very challenging right now; I know you're battling many lies. You are always in my prayers, Imoutchan. This morning I'm also praying for your fever, sickness, an lack of sleep. Hang in there, dear heart. Keep pressing in toward the Source of all Truth. <3
One more thing, Imoutchan: make sure you're sharing these lies with others. Keeping everything in the light gives those lies much less leverage/power. Besides, your friends want to know what's on your heart and mind. ^_^ You are welcome to share here--whatever you don't mind sharing with the public. I'm sure your panda friend and your bird friend would both love to help you in this fight. And I am always happy and honored to fight with you, Imoutochan.
Can I ask why the Holy Spirit would shown up that strongly when certain questions are asked?
And sometime can I ask again what gifts you think I have? Do you think sometime you can tell me? Why was it you think I am so interested/concerned about this question again? What did you say?
Is having the gift of prophecy like being a prophet? What is a prophet?
What's it mean to be a signpost? What's it mean to be a sheild?
What does it mean if you're stuttering or slurring in prayer? I've done that before, but I don't speak in tongues or anything like that. I just repeat the same word or phrase over and over again. Which is another reason I don't always like to pray in company.
Have you had any recent visions or insights?
If I keep praying Sparky away, how's come he can keep coming back? What kind of sparky is this? What's he here for?
Am I struggling with stuff I don't know I am? Can you tell me? Do you know? Is there still bad stuff in there?
Do you know where the verse is that talks about God (Holy Spirit) giving you the words when you need them?
Do I ever help you?
Do I ever help Panda?
My dad gets upset when I share my thoughts or God-given wisdom with my friends. He says I shouldn't get in the middle of things and I need to stay out of it, even if they directly seek out my council. Especially, but certainly not limited to, advice on boyfriend issues (which I have been asked many times). What's going on?
I'm sorry I'm asking all these questions, but I don't really know why I'm so inquisitive all the sudden. O.o All of these question are ligitimate: I want to know that answer! questions...
O.O Wow. Yes, you certainly do have quite a few questions.
^_^ Thank you for asking them, Imoutochan. (You can continue to post others as they come to mind.)
Tell you what: I'm running a little behind on answering a couple of other peoples' questions; I really need to take care of that first. Besides, these are good questions--I need to pray about them. It might take me a day or two to respond. Okay?
I'm afraid God will stop growing me. I'm afraid He will slow down. I'm afraid He won't give me more wisdom and more discernment. That's what I long for every day: GOD above everything else I can honestly say, wisdom, and love. I'm afraid He won't use me. I'm excited when He does! :D It makes me praise Him so much and gives me a "God high." I love it when I get to please Him, that's my goal and my purpose. I want to be used. I want to help people. I want to help people be used and help people. I want to know God!!! I want to know His love. I want to know His plans. I want to know me, how I work, how I "tick," who I am. I want to know what gifts I have, what purpose I serve. I want people to know how much I love God. I love Him a whole whole lot. I want to show people how He's healing me and how He has. I don't mind telling my story, even the scary burried parts. I love God and He makes me excited. I want wisdom. I want discernment and knowledge and insight and love and healing. I want to please God to the best of my ability and if getting those things enable me to do it better then that's what I am striving for!
Those are all wonderful desires to have, my friend. And they come from the Lord. So do not be anxious or fearful! He will surely bring greater and greater fruit to bear in your life, furthering the Father's glory and drawing you into an ever-closer relationship with Himself, through the Holy Spirit. <3
There has been only a few times when I have more or less involuntarily (seemingly anyway) repeated thing over and over again in the form of a prayer. The first was when I was little. When I was about 5 and accepted Jesus, I prayed every night for a long time “Jesus save me. Come into my heart. I’m sorry.” This went on for a couple weeks. I would pray that over and over again until I fell asleep. The next times doesn’t show up until recent months. When Sparky was attacking me in the English room it was, “I’m not yours” for over an hour. Recently it’s been specific things in prayers. Like maybe “I’m sorry.” And the strongest urge for me to do was “Let me take it. Please let me take it.” So I did and supposedly it worked. So my question, repeated to you, is what does it mean? There has been specific times where I stuttered, slurred, or even repeated things over and over throughout my prayers. Got an idea?
Hmm... Let me mull it over and take your question before the Lord and before a few wise people. I'll get back to you sometime soon--even if my answer is "I don't know." Okay?
I like watching it rain. :)
^_^ How are you doing, my friend?
Last night was hard. I'm freezing and tired. I didn't sleep at all last night, but I'm still happy to have my 8 page report done and not looming over my head nymore. How are you doing Jj? (If you don't mind me asking that...)
:( Make sure to wear lots of layers today. I'm praying for you--physically and spiritually. And congratulations on the paper! ^_^
How are you and Jesus doing at this point? <3
No, I don't mind you asking at all, Imoutochan.
I'm doing well: hoping to be very productive today--checking numbers off my list. But first, I'm going to spend some time with the Lord. I want to make sure I check off the items He wants checked off; perhaps that will be fewer or different than the numbers of my own agenda. ^_^
Beyond that, it was a long, involved weekend. Some of which (like being largely ignored by my father) I'm still processing. I enjoyed spending time in prayer last week with those I consider to be family. Tuesday through Sunday involved some wonderful moments with my sisters, my mom, and good friends. *-*
Tired. Me and Jesus are tired. Me and Jesus [relationship] needs a nap. But things are holding together, even under stuff. He does a good job of not letting me get too far out there that I leave for real. [Well, except in certain instances when I feel I should...] I don't know, my sugar is crashed and I'm gonna go take a shower for now. Maybe you will have talked at me again by then. <3
I'm praying that you will be able to rest, and feel the Lord's peace and protection. Hang in there, Imoutochan. <3
Dear heart, are you giving way to panic and despair? The Lord is holding you. He is holding all that is dear to you--your family, your friends, your spiritual growth and maturity. Trust His hands, my friend. Trust those close to you in times when you are sustaining heavy attack. Everything looks far more unstable and fleeting when the Enemy is trying to convince you that you're alone. The place you hold in the hearts of your loved ones is secure. You are not alone. Trust His hands. <3 Jj
I love you Jj. :'( <3
I love you too, Imoutochan. And Jesus loves you far more than a mere human being possibly could. So don't worry; don't be anxious or fearful. Okay? <3
But it's so hard Jj. :'(
I know. Believe me, I've been there. And I still find myself back there every now and then. That desperate panic reminds me of the nation of Israel: God miraculously provides them with manna, giving them just enough for each day. So what do they do? They decide to stockpile. Even though the Most High God promised to provide for their needs each day with this unearthly bread, and later with birds as well, these frightened children just couldn't wuite bring themselves to trust that His word would remain True. Oh, dear heart, the Lord's word, His protection and provision, will NEVER change. Trust Him. He is neither capricious nor cruel. Just keep pressing in. The gifts He has given you are safe in His hands. Trust His hands. <3 Jj
I feel like it's all falling apart Jj. It's been this way for so long Jj, I can't help but think it will never get better. I live my days in and out just barely surviving and getting through. It's been this was for so long Jj, I don't remember what it's like to not feel this. What if my days are always gonna be just surviving? What if it's like this for the rest of my life? Frankly Jj, being a Christian sucks sometimes. And I can't feel God and I need Him. I just... I just don't know Jj. I'm tired. I'm exhausted of everything. Right now the most wonderful thing ever would be a sisters hug that never ended for the rest of forever. I'm physically tired and in excrutiating pain and I'm sick of having my head messed with! >.< I don't know.. I just... yeah. Thank you for loving me Jj.
I know it feels like that right now, Imoutochan. But just keep hanging in there, dear heart. It will get better.
Psalm 71:14-16 "But I, I will always hope and keep adding to Your praise. All day long my mouth will tell of Your righteous deeds and acts of slavation, thought their number is past my knowing. I will come in the power of Adonai Elohim and recall Your righteousness, Yours alone."
Psalm 116
Imoutochan, just keep praising the One who loves you best and protects you always. When you're fighting moment by moment, that's the best defense and offense possible. He is Good. Remember, with those who are sincere, the Lord is sincere; with those who are pure, He is pure (Psalm 18). Just keep trusting dear one. I'm praying for you. <3
I know I can do this...
Love you Jj. Thank you for being my Jj.
*-* Well, thank you for being you, Imoutochan.
You and Jesus can definitely do this! Because, really, He has already won the victory! Now He's just walking you into it. ^_^
HOW ARE YOU DOOOING? ;)
I'm doing well. *-* God just keeps blowing my mind--providing in the most unexpected ways. (Like a large tip when I was facing a possible long car trip. Like three unusual job prospects in two days.) The Lord is truly Good.
What about you, Imoutochan? How are you doing physically, mentally, and spiritually?
*hyperventalating* JJ! O.O I'm spending the ENTIRE weekend with my grandparents! O.O ...3...whole...days! In another state! Ah! What have I done?!
Wow. I guess the Lord is really asking you to rely on Him right now, huh?
I'll be praying for you. <3
Physically: I'm really tired and sore from basketball. Exhaustion about sums it up, but apart from that today wasn't too bad. I was zombie this morning, but I got a little more awake at least as the day wore on.
Mentally: I'm not very stressed so that's good. I don't have any homework for any classes I can do, except take a test in English on Monday. And studying for some future tests is about all the homework I expect to get at all over the next week as well. Praise God for that! :) The part to my mental mind, is doing okay today. There was one or two things that caused panic mode... like hearing certain people wasn't going to be around tomorrow, seeing accumulating facebook friends and feeling left out, the decision being made to spend an entire weekend with my grandparents. So, a few various panicked moments, but overal in comparison today was a good day.
Spiritually: I'm pretty much at the same spot I have been for a while. It's kind of the kind of week where not much happens. But in general, it's not bad. Life would be easy if we had revivals and visions and insights every day of the week, though, so it doesn't quite work out that way.
Ah, and freaking out because I forgot to put something in my story before I turned in the final draft. You can add that to the list. Craaaap... :P
*very small high-pitched squeky voice* ...thank...you...
He asked me to do it and I did it. Jeeze, I hope I don't live to regret this... O.O
*inhales and chokes on air*
Thanks for letting me know, my friend. I'm continuing to pray for you. Just keep pressing in. I don't know that I'd say life would be easier with visions, insights, and spiritual revival every day; but it would certainly be nice to always have that intense feeling of connectedness to the Lord. We would have such a struggle to trust, would we? ^_^ I'm very proud of you, Imoutchan. Keep persevering! He is most certainly at work in your life, even if you cannot always sense the direction or magnitude of the Holy Spirit's gathering force. <3 Jj
Could you discuss nightmares with Panda sometime and see if you can come to a conclusion?
I can't sleep or even semi-sleep wihtout dreaming. And the nightmares are just as bad, sometimes even worse than Holiday World's. And I can't get rid of them! -_-
:-( I'm very sorry to hear that. Such heavy attack is very draining. I'll talk to your panda friend at some point, I'm sure; but really the best advice I can offer you at this moment, Imoutochan, is to declare the Truth. Pray over your room. Read through scripture (including Eph. 6) in the mornings and before you go to bed--even speaking/praying the words out loud if possible. Listen to worship music. Make sure to keep your friends (like your spanish friend and your painting friend) involved: ask them for advice and prayer. Dedicate your living space to the Lord; invite the Holy Spirit to completely fill your room/house. You might even need to do that on a daily basis. Most of all, just keep trusting the Lord. His protection is still constant and powerful, even in the midst of this. He's got you safely in His hands, dear heart.
I'm praying for you, my friend. <3 Jj
How are you?
Thank you Jj. Your reference to my friends in that manner made me smile. Hehe. :)
^_^ Always happy to supply a chuckle here and there.
I'm doing well. Tomorrow will be a long, busy, but hopefully good, day. Today was a lot of fun! I got to help one of my sisters finish a ridiculous term paper in the nick of time, meet some new people, briefly visit with another sister of mine, and then spent several hours with my best friend and a wonderful couple whom I lovingly consider my surrogate parents. *-* All in all a wonderful day worshipping the Lord by enjoying the Body that only He could create.
I slept for like an hour and didn't have a nightmare, but I drempt. And it was the kind of dreams I used to have like 5-7 years ago. He's still here. :( I would rather have nightmares than those! :'( Hopefully I can sleep tonight because I walked the entire day and I'm exhausted and have a migrain. :P Please pray for me Jj. Those kind of dreams are dangerous.
How you? How are things? What did you do today? Anything new that needs prayer?
I'm praying very hard for you, my friend. Keep declaring the Truth, okay? Do not become anxious. <3 Jj
Hey Jj, am I depressed?
Dear heart, what makes you think/ask that question?
I don't know... you said you thought I was a long time ago.
But what would cause you to ask now? Is there something troubling you that we shoudl discuss right away, or would you rather discuss it in person?
Mmm, no, I just thought of it. Did I do something wrong? I just want to know and I thought you could tell me cause you tell me stuff.
^_^ No, you didn't do anything wrong. I just wanted to know what was on your mind.
I'll share with you a very astute observation I once heard from a counselor: "Depression is anger turned inward." If you're wondering whether or not you are depressed, I think you should ask the Lord about it. If you have any anger that you've turned inwards upon yourself, He'll show you where it is. And He'll show you in the perfect timeframe. <3
Does that mean I'm mad at myself? But when Panda was depressed why was she mad at herself?
I'll try to figure out a good way to explain that quote for you. <3 Jj
I love you JJ! Have a good day today. :D
I slept last night. Dream free. ^_^ I'm gonna try to sleep on the way home too!
I can't sleep Jj. The visions won't go away. >.< The demons... so many. I know what happened. I know what's wrong. I can see the demons running out of the youth room and his office. The congregation is sitting like normal, mostly motionless. The demons are running in and out of the pews and jumping from one to the next. I know it. I know how it started. I can see things. I can see.
Jj, I don't want any demons attentding my graduation.
Dear one, don't ever forget: "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Don't worry about something down the road; just keep trusting the Lord for this moment. ^_^ He's got you safely in His hands, Imoutochan. Rest in the Lord tonight. <3 Jj
As for what you're seeing, that happens sometimes. Don't be afraid, okay? WHen the Lord shows you something like this, He's calling you to pray. So put on some worship music and pray. If you fall asleep, that's okay, too. This invitation to war on behalf of others is not a limitedtime offer. Just keep pressing in, dear heart.
Okay Jj. <3
^_^ I'm praying for you, my friend!
How are you doing?
I'm really sick and I don't have a voice hardly. Panda is going to read to me this morning when I'm done at the dentist (they're moving brackets and putting on stronger wire and chains) and maybe I can fall asleep on the couch. I had a bad migraine after the game last night and I feel really bad today. But I got a really big fuzzy this morning. :)
How are you doing?
Good luck with the dentist; and enjoy reading. ^_^ What was your big fuzzy this morning?
I'm doing fine. The Lord sustained me through the toughest portion of my work week. I'm looking forward to visiting my mother tomorrow. Actually, she's dropped several elephantsized hints that she'd love for me to stay overnight, so I'll probablyspend this evening with her. I'm looking forward to spending some time praying with her. I'm also looking forward to spending time with dear friends as Christmas approaches. <3
The dentist was really bad and I can't touch my teeth together they hurt so bad. :'( And I'm still really sick so I went home at lunch time. I'm gonna go to bed.
Have fun Jj. <3
:-( I hope you feel better tomorrow and Friday. I'll be praying that you're able to rest, Imoutchan. <3 Jj
At 7am, beyond a latticed fence of black branches, clouds migrated through the pale blue-green of a winter dawn. By 9am, the golden sunlight dramatically offset the deep purple sky. Shortly before 11am, snow begann to fall. By noon, the driveway and woodland trails were entirely white; the wind-fed flakes made dim shadows of the trees, and often obscured all sight of the house across the ravine.
I think this is the Lord's way of telling me that I should stay home today and tomorrow, clean house, and drink hot cocoa. ^_^ (Okay, maybe that last suggestion is entirely my own addition.)
Oh sorry I forgot to answer your question. My sissy wrote a note and she called me her sis to everyone. *-* But, she said I was just one of them. :(
The ground isn't snowy here. :(
Aww! That's wonderful! ^_^ (Perhaps she wanted to acknowledge you as her sister, but was also masking her reference to you with the more communal connotation of "sister" to protect your identity.) Definitely a warm-fuzzy moment.
There's plenty of snow where I live. If it continues, I'll soon be able to make a snow angel. (Then I can pretend to be something I'm certainly not in real life. ^_~)
I think sometimes big sissys can be like angels to their little sissys. They can be like that to their little sissys without being idols. Because they act like them sometimes and I've seen my sissy in white when she gets to Heaven and she's really pretty. Big sissys protect their little sissys and forgive them and love them and sometimes God sends them. :)
I'm so happy that Jesus has provided you with such a wonderful sister--one who, despite human failings, represents Christ to you because the Holy Spirit enables her to do so. ^_^ Praise God! <3
And the bestest thing ever is that I have two of them! :D They chose me; I didn't choose them first. That makes it the bestest present ever! *-* I wish they was here though. I'm really sick and my mom is really mad at me because I forgot to give the school something she gave me yesterday to give them. :( So, I locked myself in my room to "wrap presents." It was an accident Jj. I was sick and I forgot. :'(
Accidents happen, Imoutochan. It's okay. And while you cannot control your mother's response, I hope you're actually wrapping something. (It would be just as bad for you to lie.)
I'm glad God has blessed you in that regard. *-* I'm sure your sisers also count it a blessing.
Yup, I'm wrapping her presents while I have the chance. She is the snoopiest woman ever! O.o
^_^
I'm praying for you--praying that you will stand firm, press in, and rest before the Lord. <3
Jj, what's up with these late nights?
^_^ Sometimes it just happens. Last night I found myself revisiting some poetry I love--authors who, like David, point me back to the Lord.
Did you get lost?
I'm gonna go wrap presents by our charlie brown of a tree while mom makes cookies and I try to unthaw... O.o
WaHa! Okay, I'm done with dairy like I'm done with tea now. >.<
^_~ I got just lost enough.
Did something happen? Was this a decision of your own, or someone else's?
Basically, yes it was my decision. But it's extremely hard to tell your dad no when he's pressuring you that hard to share with him so he can get one. It's never been that bad of a result though. O.o I think they are fairly convinced now that I can't have straight dairy though. So, it kinda was a blessing. They're behind me in the caffeine department, it's been over 3 weeks without tea and caffeine, AT ALL! And I'm doing fine. Dairy might be a little harder to vanquish but I have a feeling with some help I'll do it okay. I'm still allergic to something I keep eating but we don't know what. It makes my mouth break out really bad and lasts several days so you can't tell. It has to be something common. =/ Hmm...
Jj, I'm having a hard time not throwing everyone in the same bin. I can't beleive people! They're like blind sheep running off the edge of a cliff to their destruction and I have to watch! I'm sick of it all! So many people! Ah! O.o I get to watch the demons tear them apart. It says in Proverbs that wisdom is the most precious thing there is, but it hurts... :(
Well, at least this is a step in the right direction (regarding your allergies). ^_^ I'm proud of youfor seeking to balance love of your family with understanding of your own health needs. And the Lord is providing slowly but surely. I'm continuing to pray for you in this area, my friend. <3
Dear heart, your frustrations about people and the painful acquisition of wisdom...I'm a little confused as to what exactly you're referring to. Cna you explain a little more for me, please?
It's just with wisdom you can see what is unwise. The world is unwise and for people with soft hearts it hurts. :P ...Basically.
How are you doing mentally/emotionally tonight, my friend? We didn't really go into the specifics. <3 Jj
I'm tired and worn out. Hope is hard to come by these days, but I will trust God anyway. The world amazes me sometimes Jj. That's about as simply as I can put it. =/ God is going to let the church fail. He got some people out and the rest are going down with the church. Sigh... my cousins are, lost at best. Life is just tough. But I'm trusting God right now, so I'm doing okay.
I know, dear heart. I understand how that goes. I've been in church bodies where that happened before. :-( On the one hand, it's heart-wrenching. On the other hand, I'm glad He has graciously given me the heart of flesh necessary to find it heart-wrenching.
(Actually, I posted something yesterday which examines one of the discussions I've had with the Lord on this subject. I took it down because I wondered if perhaps it was unnecessary... Perhaps I should put it back up again.)
I know these are not the words in which this verse is traditionally quoted; but I really like my Bible's phrasing here:
"A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but when it twists things, it breaks the spirit." ~Proverbs 15:4
And by the way, I haven't forgotten the questions you asked much earlier in this comment series, Imoutochan. There will be answers coming, I promise. <3 Jj
In the meantime, how are you doing? What are you battling right now? Have there been any good things happening recently?
Let me pick out the ones I'm still curious about. (Important ones...)
I’m doing better this morning. I get bad at night when I’m on this period of sleep deprivation; I get really emotional about everything. Apart from that I’m just really groggy right now and exhausted and still sick with something.
I’m struggling with feeling really lonely right now. =/
I’m enjoying the fact that we must have an owl somewhere in our woods and it keeps calling. :) My sissy gave me her old watch and that makes me feel really special. And I got to see my sisters yesterday. And Christmas break is almost here and I’m looking forward to a break!
(Sorry I had to make this fast but I have to go get ready, because dad is ready for lunch when he gets back with his customer)
There, I didn't really know a better way of doing it... I deleted the ones I've either figured out or aren't that important to me anymore. The first question I asked had a specific example from when we had hung out that night, but I don't remember what it was. If you don't, then don't worry about the question because I don't even remember what I was asking.
It's usually very difficult to recognize that we're not necessarily handling or interpreting things with the proper levels of emotion and logic while we're still feeling unwell. It is much easier to recognize in hindsight that our perspective was being affected. That being said, I'm proud of you for realizing that you're on an emotional rollercoaster while you're still on the rollercoaster. ^_^ This can enable you to at least moderate your perception of events and individuals in the moment. Right?
I know recognizing the problem doesn't necessarily make it any easier--it may not help with the loneliness or exhaustion. I'm sorry that you feel alone right now, Imoutochan. Saying "It's all just a mind game of the enemy" would be overly simplistic and a little trite. You yourself would probably agree that, yes, some of your feelings of isolation are probably spiritual attack. But there's more to it than that, isn't there, dear heart? ^_^ Circumstances...people...ideals...perspectives...
They all change. And so sometimes we find ourselves mourning: for What Is No Longer; for What Might Have Been; for What Never Really Was in the first place. So don't allow the enemy to help you kick yourself for not having it all together--for not somehow ending the emotional rollercoaster by strength of will or brute force. It's okay. Just sit tight, and press in to the Lord. He knows the sources of all your grief, loneliness, and frustration. It's okay, Imoutochan. Just talk to Him, and rest before Him. <3 Jj
Thanks Jj. I wasn't quite expecting a response like that. :) (And I need to go throw up, so I'll check back later)
I know this doesn't seem like the proper response to someone being sick, but your last comment made me laugh. ^_^ (just the phrasing of it) I'm praying for you, my friend.
Never mind... it didn't work out. =/
Vomitting didn't work out?
No. :(
Okay. :-( Sorry to hear that.
My drugs they gave me didn't work at all. =/
How are you Jj?
I'm doing well: drinking hot cocoa, enjoying the gray, rainy dawn through my window. Moreover, I've been able to spend some nice time with the Lord in the midst of busyness these past few days. I'm hoping I can continue to make time with Him my top priority during the rest of this very hectic week. (Not to imply that the busyness has been, or will be, unpleasant. I've enjoyed some wonderful times with friends and sisters in the past few days. *-* And I'm looking forward to more of the same.)
Also, I've received two unexpected phone calls in the past three weeks. There was a point in time when I applied to work overseas with a mission organization. But just before they called to officially accept me, the Lord told me not to go. (At the time, I was devastated. In the months since then, however, I have come to appreciate the Lords order. *-* I'm very glad I stayed.) Now, a member of this organization is calling me, inviting me to renew my application (since they wanted me before, thy apparently still do) and join their overseas team in the fall. o.O
Well... good luck with that Jj.
Umm..."good luck" with what, Imoutochan?
Yup, you'll need it making your decision.
Oh, sorry. I guess I wasn't very clear, was I? ^_^ I'm not planning to go. I have had absolutely no indications from the Lord that I should pursue this avenue right now. (Just the opposite, in fact.)
I'll continue having conversations with this gentleman if he keeps calling, but I won't be joining this organization. I just assume that, if he continues calling, the Lord wishes to teach me somthing through him or vice versa. ^_^
(Sorry for your misfortune, Imoutochan: you cannot get rid of me that easily. ^_~)
That's good. I haven't paid my pennance yet. It would be a shame not to be able to, because you left. (Yes, we read lots of scarlet letter today :P) ;)
Guess what Jj! I get to take a nap now! Panda said Mushugga and Mr. Piggy were calling me to my bed, because she know these things, because she's telepathic. So, I should go now.
^_^ Oh my...yes, you should definitely see if you can get some sleep my friend.
I slept for 20 minutes until my dad woke me up! :D
:( Bummer that it was only twenty minutes. But at least you got some sleep...
How are you doing, my friend? (in any category you feel like addressing)
Well... which category do you want to know?
Did you know that Mushugga can hear everything, because of its big ears. It knows whenever I'm happy and whenever I'm sad. It can tell when I'm breathing hard because I'm scared and it gives me a hug. I like my bunny. :)
And Mr. Piggy can always make me smile and feel loved because he gives me gentle kisses with his nose. :)
^_^ I'm sure your stuffed bunny likes you, too.
Hmm... Well, how are you and Jesus doing? How are you fairing with friends, family, and schoolwork?
Awww! You think so? I can't never tell, it's so quiet...
Me and Jesus… are making it. I feel like there’s not been super lots of progress lately. I’m doing better than I was Sunday. Sometimes Sparky tells me how horrible of a Christian I am and how Jesus doesn’t love me and it’s hard…
School is still going okay. I’m a little nervous about our spanish final which will be hard, but apart from that there hasn’t really been much homework to do. So, I’ve been able to stay fairly unstressed in that area which has been a big help.
Friends are doing okay. Things still aren’t like what they used to be, but I’ve learned how to be content with it. It’s a roller coaster ride.
Family… everyone for the most part, but my mom and dad is wearing me thin. I want to strangle all my cousins (for the most part, a few are excluded)… I was blessed with such rocket scientists. But I’m doing my best and putting forth my best effort to love on them and pretend I’m interested on what’s going on. =/ It makes me sad, very sad and very sorry. It makes me tired and hurt as well.
Praise God anyway. He is good.
I'm proud of you for hanging on, sticking out the roller coaster. ^_^
Keep pressing in; keep surrendering; keep moving forward one step at a time. I'm praying for you, dear heart. <3 Jj
I'll be praying for your upoming exams, too. Go slaughter those tests! ^_~
Meh... O.o
Oh Jj... I am so blessed. :)
^_^ I'm sure you are! So what specifically causes you to say so at this moment?
Because God gived me some wisdom so I don't end up like some people. He gave me some brains, so I can carry out His will. (Even though I fail a lot...) And I've got the best big sisters EVER! ^_^
Jj... you okay?
^_^ Well, He certainly is developing wisdom in you, my friend. (Sometime we should have a conversation about that "so I don't end up like some people" comment.) And not only has He given you brains, but also grace. Such a wonderful Lord we serve...
I'm sure you're big sisters count you a real blessing in their lives too. *-*
Hmm...it's interesting that you would ask that question.
Yes, Imoutochan, I'm doing well. Today I've been battling lies; it's wonderful to face those difficult times in which I must consciously choose to say, "And yet I will praise You!" I know the Lord is Good. And I know that, by the blood of Jesus, He considers me worthy. I know that He has a perfect course charted for my life. And I know that He graciously continues refining me. ^_^
What's your favorite Christmas album?
Um...my favorite Christmas album...
I honestly don't know. I really like anything Manheim Steamroller.
Was today better?
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