I'm seriously getting the next installment of That Which the Locust Has Eaten finished. Honest. Thanks for your patience with my *ahem* "delayed intelligence." ^_~
As Jesus and I finish that up, how are you doing? What scriptures have you been pondering? What questions have you been asking the Lord? What questions has He been asking you?
As always, you are in my prayers, dear reader. Keep pressing in toward the Lord, letting Him work in you.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Tyu9IJKFi0
For the glory of Another
- not4myself
- This blog is meant to be a dialogue in which questions, ideas, frustrations, and worship can be shared. This is a place to engage the ideas presented by individuals--authors, singers, speakers, friends or strangers--and the culture at-large. This is a place to sift.
140 comments:
Uh... You asked how I was. I'm weary and tired and lonely about sums it up. And a bunch of other not so good stuff has happened recently... the usual drill. :P
What has the Lord been telling you recently, my friend? Any scriptures in particular?
I don't know. A lot of Psalms, but 18 is one of them.
Frankly... I don't know really what all He's been telling me. O.o
Actually, I've repeatedly prayed parts of that Psalm for you for several months now. For at least the last month, I've been praying through verses 24-30:
"Hence Adonai repaid me for my uprightness, according to the purity of my hands in His view. With the merciful, You are merciful; with a man who is sincere, you are sincere; with the pure you are pure; but with the crooked you are cunning. People afflicted, You save; but haughty eyes, You humble. For You, Adonai, light my lamp; Adonai, my God, lights up my darkness. With You I can run through a whole troop of men, with my God I can leap a wall.
"As for God, His way is perfect, the word of Adonai has been tested by fire; He shields all who take refuge in Him."
<3
But... I'm not any of those things... except maybe the "haughty."
Maybe all these troubles is my "re-payment."
Oh, dear heart, THAT is a lie.
Tell me something: do you seek your own glory? On a day-to-day basis (I'm not talking perfection here) do you seek your own gain? Or do you seek God?
I want God... but.. but... I'm still a bad person!
Daved wasn't nearly as sinful as me...
But you are pure in the sight of your Heavenly Father because of Jesus. The price has already been paid. You weren't capable of paying the price then. You are no more capable of paying it now. Right? THe same is true of me: I cannot pay the price; but it has already been covered...by the blood of my Lord and Lover.
So. Since you are purchased, since you are seeking the Lord, since you desire His glory...that all means you are made perfect in the eyes of your Heavenly Father, dear heart.
You. Are. Pure.
You. Are. Merciful.
You. Are. Sincere.
In your human nature, you are not perfect. But He is bringing you into perfection--just as He is bringing me. We are safe; we are made Good by the One and Only Source of Goodness.
Ohhh....
You know... I haven't ever been able to accept free love. I haven't and it's played a lot into my spiritual life. I have to be perfect to have perfect love. And there are nights when all I can do is cry, because all I see myself is wretched. If God stood at my bed post, put His arms and His hips, and said "I love you Babe." I would still have a hard time. That's just how calloused my family has made me... or at least just how I've ended up. Out of my love for Him and for people I can hardly bare to see myself mess up or especially... especially hurt someone or make them angry or sad. I can hardly handle it. I love people and God too much. So out of desperation I hurt myself in return.
And here's the extra-beautiful part:
"With the merciful, You ar merciful;
with a man who is sincere, You are sincere;
with the pure, You are pure..."
Everything you are experiencing, my friend--every trial, every difficulty (be they strictly spiritual, or physical as well) is a manifestation of His mercy, sincerity, and purity on your behalf. You are not crooked; so He is not cunning. You are not haughty, so He is not humbling you.
"For You, Adonai, light my lamp;
Adonai, my God, lights up my darkness.
With you I can run through a whole troop of men [or trials or lies],
with my God I can leap a wall."
He is being merciful. He is being sincere. He is being pure. Because you belong to Him, and you seek Him.
Spend some time listening to praise songs and asking the Lord about His perception of you. Ask Jesus to show you what His love looks like, and how He sees you. Okay?
Any other suggestions?
And thanks for talking to me!
*-* My pleasure, Imoutochan.
I'll spend some more time in prayer and let you know, okay? You are always welcome to ask more questions or voice other concerns as they come to mind. <3 Jj
"I lift my inner being to you, Adonai;
I trust you, my God.
Don't let me be disgraced,
Don't let my enemies gloat over me.
No one waiting for you will be disgraced;
...
Make me know your ways, Adonai,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth, and teach me;
for you are the God who saves me,
my hope is in you all day long.
Remember your compassion and grace, Adonai;
for these are ages old.
Don't remember my youthful sins or transgressions;
but remember me according to your grace
for the sake of your goodness, Adonai.
Adonai is good, and he is fair;
this is why he teaches sinners the way to live,
leads the humble to do what is right
and teaches the humble to live his way.
All Adonai's paths are grace and truth
to those who kee his covenant and instructions.
...
Who is the person who fears Adonai?
He will teach him the way to choose.
...
Adonai relates intimately with those who fear him;
he makes them know his covenant.
My eyes are always directed toward Adonai,
for he will free my feet from the net.
Turn to me, and show me your favor;
for I am alone and oppressed.
The troubles of my heart are growing and growing;
bring me out of my distress.
See my affliction and suffering,
and take all my sins away.
...
Protect me and rescue me;
don't let me be disgraced,
for I take refuge in you.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me,
because my hope is in you."
~Psalm 25:1-10, 12, 14-18, 20-21
What do you make of this passage? What thoughts does it bring to mind?
Actually, that was the second main one that He showed me. In my version it was the only Psalm that actually used the word “lonely” and it talks about the troubles of your heart being multiplied. My heart is what has felt the most pain lately and this Psalm was definitely a main one He took me through, especially 25:16-21. But, your version brings to mind God’s mercy in perfecting us on the way, not expecting us to be perfect all at once.
Psalm 15 - I could actually picture it. I could see myself sitting on the hill with Him. I only accepted it as my imagination though out of longing. I swore that I was none of the rest of the Psalm, however, I prayed really hard that He would make me into that.
The other main ones were:
Psalm 13
Psalm 18
Psalm 27:14
Psalm 34:7, 18
Psalm 38
Psalm 15 is another treatise on being worthy. "Adonai, who can rest in your tent? Who can live on your holy mountain? Those who live a blameless life, who behave uprightly, who speak truth from their hearts and keep their tongues from slander; who never do harm to others..." Is there any person who has ever entirely met that long string of righteous criteria? Jesus. I can't think of anyone else. Can you?
"Those who do these things will never be moved." Well, if Jesus is the only one capable of fulfilling such a list of requirements, that certainly explains why I find myself being moved all the time. Sin--lies and my warped human nature--toss me about like a sock puppet. I am not worthy.
And yet...
In Jesus, I am made perfect. Righteous. Pure.
Worthy. Jesus makes me worthy.
A wise woman once asked me a very big question--simple and profound: "Do you realize that, because of Jesus, your relationship with God the Father is already perfect? Do you understand that He already sees you as worthy--you don't have to 'prove it'?"
Imoutochan, you are already perfect and worthy in the eyes of your Heavenly Father. He loves you as one who is pure; because, through the blood of Jesus, you ARE pure.
As my mentor pointed out to me, you do not need to worry about your relationship with God the Father, Imoutochan. This relationship is already perfect. You already live on His holy mountain; you already rest in His tent; you already dance in His throneroom. He already views you as worthy.
You cannot prove your worth to the Father. But you do not need to. Jesus paid the price to make you perfect in His sight. It is your relationship with Jesus that you have to keep working on: moving into greater righteousness. The Holy Spirit helps you become more like Jesus and grow closer to him; and all the while, Adonai smiles over you--rejoices over you.
You said that you're not sure what the Lord is saying to you through the passages to which you found yourself desperately clinging. But it sounds to me like He's shouting in the quiet words: "Hold on to me, dear one. You are mine. I love you more than you can comprehend. And I am working for your good beyond what you can understand. I do not punish those I love--those who seek my face. You are pure; so I am pure with you. Just look to me, sit with me, dance before me. Keep holding on, dear one."
What are your thoughts?
*sigh* Oh man... Thaaat's a fun question for right now...
My thoughts over this would be that I know you're right. And that's about it. That's about all I can think for now anyway. Can you scribe anything else for God?
^_^
"But I trust in your grace,
my heart rejoices as you bring me to safety;
I will sing to Adonai, because he gives me
even more than I need."
~Psalm 13:5-6
"Understand that Adonai sets apart
the godly perso for himself;
Adonai will hear when I call to him.
You can be angry, but do not sin!
Think about this as you lie in bed,
and calm down.
Offer sacrifices rightly,
and put your trust in Adonai.
Many ask, 'Who can show us some good?'
Adonai, lift the light of your face over us!
You have filled my heart with more joy
than all their grain and new wine.
I lie down and sleep in peace;
for, Adonai, you alone make me live securely."
~Psalm 4:3-8
"But you, Adonai, are a shield for me;
you are my glory, you lift my head high.
With my voice I call out to Adonai,
and he answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep, then wake up again,
because Adonai sustains me.
I am not afraid of the tens of thousands
set against me on every side."
~Psalm 3:3-6
"Adonai, in the morning you will hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my needs before you
and wait expectantly.
For you are not a God
who takes pleasure in wickedness;
evil cannot remain with you.
...
But I enter your house
because of your great grace and love;
I wil bow down toward your holy temple
in reverence for you.
Lead me, Adonai, in your righteousness
because of those lying in wait for me;
make your way straight before me....
let all who take refuge in you rejoice,
let them forever shout for joy!
Shelter them; and they will be glad,
those who love your name.
For you, Adonai, bless the righteous;
you surround them with favor like a shield."
~Psalm 5:3-4,7-12
"...the first thing we must realize is that it is neglect of prayer or refusal to pray that is sin, not the inability to pray. If the earnest desire to pray is present, we must not condemn ourselves because we find prayer hard or even impossible."
~Margaret Clarkson (qtd. Joni Eareckson Tada, A lifetime of Wisdom)
"If you are in pain--or perhaps gripped with grief or anxiety--as you read these words, you may find prayer a difficult position. What you do manage to whisper to God seems feeble and faint. Maybe so. But that fact doesn't change the reality of Psalm 145:18: 'The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.' Jesus stands at the right hand of God's throne on your behalf, and He is touched with the feeling of your infirmities. Are your prayers weak and faint? Take heart. Jesus is praying for you."
~Joni Eareckson Tada (A Lifetime of Wisdom)
This is what He brought to mind: Remember that you are not alone. Many struggle with the same lies. And many people lift you up in prayer. Never forget who is the Head of this Body of believers! He can easily call brothers and sisters from the far side of the globe--kingdom citizens who do not know you at all--to intercede for you through the Holy Spirit. The resources at His command are endless; and He loves you enough to bring them to bear for you, His precious child. So, hold on. Press in. Trust in His might, and your worth through His sacrifice.
<3 Jj
Thanks. I just wish it could get through more right now. =/
I'm praying that Jesus enables you to feel His strength as He sustains you, my friend. <3
How are you doing?
I am pretty much feeling horrible. I just got home from Indy, still need to take a shower, still need to do homework. I'm gonna have to pull a couple all-nighters this week. (And I haven't slept since like... the beginning of last week apart from hour here and there... oh man.) I hurt really bad from working and still hurt from the allergic reaction. *shrugs shoulders* In perfect honesty, I'm way more miserable than normal and feel like giving up. I'm more stressed than I was last week and things aren't looking up. There's only one reason why I haven't given up already and it's really hard not to. >.< But... *sigh* I know myself and myself holds on and pushes through it.
Me and God are doing okay. So that's a yay. And Sparky hasn't bugged me since Sunday. (And Sunday wasn't all my fault - a certain someone let him in majorly.) Uhh... basketball starts Monday and I'm looking forward to that. :D And I get to stop working for a little while on Friday and take a break. So, several positives. ;)
What's up with you? Praying tomorrow goes well. ;)
^_^ Thank you! I'll take prayer any time.
Just keep moving forward, Imoutochan. It may not feel like it now, but there will come a time when you can rest. Sometimes we face seasons in which we have to snatch our rest--time with others, time alone with God--in small doses. It's very difficult, in those grueling seasons, not to focus on the rest we're lacking.
I'm really speaking to my own pessimism here. I often have to remind myself that I'm not actually "missing out" during the times when life gets tough, and stays tough. In my own human nature, I would prefer to deal with intense circumstances in short sprints--with long water and rest breaks in between. But the Lord is gracious enough to stick me in marathons and triathalons. He knows my true capabilities, how to extend them, and how to achieve the maximum results.
If you're facing a triathalon right now, I praise the Lord on your behalf! He's doing something beautiful in your life. ^_^ And when you reach the rest break on the far end and catch your breath, you'll be amazed by the distance you and Jesus covered together. <3
As for how I am doing...
I'm processing. Life has been rather interesting in several arenas. Most of those arenas involve the Lord calling me into growth and greater freedom through laying down fears. And then there are one or two other arenas in which life is just...bizarre.
:)
What's up?
Read any good Psalms lately?
^_^ For several months now (actually, off and on since the beginning of May) the Lord keeps bringing me back to Psalm 71. And Psalms 116 and 119 are long-standing favorites. Psalm 91 has also been a place of refuge for me in times of distress.
(I also find way back to Isaiah and Jeremiah ona regular basis. Such wonderful ehxortations to boldly stand! Such calls to repentance, and such attitudes of worship and humility before a Just and Holy God!)
What's up, you ask? Well...as I look out the front window, I discover I'm adrift in a lake of golden leaves. No sidewalk; no driveway; no hint of civilization. Just rolling waves of autumn, interrupted only by dark tree trunks. Glancing upward, I find yards of gauzy, billowing clouds--little bits of sunshine draped in tree branches. Sunlight smiles down and kisses her offspring of ochre and umber and gold. They await their own turn to join the precocious children already rippling below. For now, they wave-dance-wait-to-fall while their siblings wink and chuckle in the waves below.
I like Isaiah. ^_^
Yay! It's fun.
How are you doing, Imoutochan?
Mmm... I just drank car paint. :P Ugh... sick. I need sleep. I'm trying to get motivated, but it's not working... I don't know, what do you want to know?
O_O You drank car paint???
I would love to know how you're doing on balancing boldness with obedience. Are you struggling with rebellion, my friend?
Dad had a tea and he had it in the paint booth with him when he painted this morning. Well, he brought it in and put in the fridge for me, because he didn't drink it. I drank some of it without realizing it had paint in it... toxic paint... Ugh! It was nasty. :P
Are you confused about what I said I'd like to hear about?
Well... maybe more like where it came from? Maybe?
Just a...feeling...that perhaps you're battling in that arena right now. Even if that's not the case, I'm praying for your protection against the temptation to seek false shelter in defiance.
Well, you know you can be wrong. No, I've done really good in that area and have continued taking it before God, especially with college stuff. No, I respect my parents and even my grandparents. Frankly, I'm between a rock and a hard place and it would be so much easier to forget about what my parents want for me for college, but I haven't. I've considered what you have said humbly without defense and I can say no. Where have you seen this in my life?
I have also kept myself from making any decisions in an upset state of mind for the sole reason of it not being rebellion. And I've done a pretty darn good job of it. [Just to clarify: Not mad. Not defensive.]
I'm not trying to imply that I've seen rebellion in your words or actions. I only meant that it is quite likely you will face the temptation time and time again. I wanted to hear how you have or have not acknowledged the reality of this temptation. ^_^ I'm proud of you, Imoutochan!
However, my focus has been on keeping myself from acting out in rebellion, especially with college stuff. I have done a good job and don't expect much problem in the future. But, I can always use prayer for protection over it, especially in this coming year. I am definitely human.
So how about the other part of the original question: Are you asking for boldness as well? Honoring authorit figures in the truest sense can be a difficult--sometimes painful--road.
Which authority figure are we talking about?
Well, I'm sure you've had people speak correction into your own life. Do you consider their words and/or actions as something cruel or something loving?
I think this question holds true for all authority figures. So pick whichever one(s) you want.
Everyone I can think of who has "spoken correction into my life" has done it out of love. I know they love me, besides the fact that they wouldn't have corrected me if they didn't care if I was in the wrong. Whether they were right in their correction is a different story, however, the motivation behind it was still love and I still respect and take to heart what they are saying. I may not agree with the corrections sometimes, but I'm to respect people and listen to their words even if I don't want to hear it. You consider everything as a possibility and let God be the one that shows you which one is right, not someone else.
In terms of following the TRUE authority figure, yes, I have been asking for guidence and boldness. If indeed that is the place He wants me to go, then I will need all the boldness I can get. But I beleive in my mind and know in my heart that I will be okay to make the right decision, not based on pressure, because He will enable me to do so.
^_^ Once again, I'm proud of you.
Yes, when it comes to following and representing the One True authority figure, boldness is essential. It's wonderful to know that when He speaks to your spirit--when He says,"Move now, baby; speak now, baby"--you might find yourself stepping into the hottest fire...but you do so with powerful protection. You do so with authority, as well.
Authority is another big aspect of honoring others. If you believe the lie that you have no right to speak into the lives of other believers, you are rejecting God's offer of allowing you to help Him help others.
And think about this: can I truly honor someone if I know he/she is walking in bondage, and I choose not to address it? To esteem someone's position to such a degree that I refuse to acknowledge the flaws...to love someone while passively harming him/her... In any other scenario, we'd call that idolatry, would we?
First of all, you’re right.
I know my authority though. And I’ve been given a lot, however, to keep myself from becoming conceded I don’t focus on it. I don’t reject my authority. I just try to be very careful of being respectful, because a lot of people look up to me (not by my choice). I have been in an especially tight space of knowing where the lines are the last half a year though. So, I take more time and make sure that I’m in the right and what I feel like saying, God is leading me to and it’s the right timing.
1st: No, we can’t. But there is such a thing as the right timing. If it’s not the right timing you can do damage rather than good. That’s why you have to be sure. He doesn’t want hear it yet and it’s not time. Soon it will be, but I have to wait until then. He’s not ready yet. If God tells you to keep quiet then it’s not hurting the person.
2nd: There is no one who I do not acknowledge as a messed-up warped individual. I can see them as Jesus, but it’s certainly not something that I did to my vision. No one, is good; No not one. I can see people’s flaws a lot better than a lot of people can, because I’m observant, but I also see them as Jesus. Pure. Righteous. Wise. Truthful.
3rd: I don’t have any idols right now. The one idol I had recently got brought down, certainly by nothing I did. God is my only one and He’s all I need. I’m clean. My conscious is clear. There’s only one thing me and God are working on right now and it has nothing to do with this. (Which is plenty for the moment I would like to add!)
I know I’m human and I certainly mess up. You of all people should know I know this. This is not me being defensive in the least. I can admit my wrongs. I’m just being honest.
I will be bold remember? ;)
Sorry, babe. I don't think I clarified my comments as well as I should have.
Yes, you are absolutely correct: we should not rush confrontation. Keep trusting the Holy Spirit to lead you forward in the perfect manner at the perfect moments. ^_^
What I said was meant to provoke thought--to provide additional ammunition against lies and doubt when they assail you. (That clarification was perfectly clear in my mind; it just didn't make it into print. Sorry.) <3
I would just like to restate how beautiful it is to see and hear what the Lord is doing in your life. Thank you for that gift!
Yeah... that's okay. It was thought provoking anyway.
Can we talk about Psalm 119?
Sure! ^_^ Anything specific?
Can you stay with me for a little bit? =/
Mmm... not really. What do you picture when you read it? What's it saying? How much is applicable?
First of all, this Psalm is arranged in the Hebrew version of an acrostic poem: the stanzas each begin with a character from the hebrew alphabet in sequential order. Since this Psalm is a lengthy call to adoration of God, I find it very beautiful that the entire alphabet is used to worship the Lord. In effect, the whole written word is represented as giving praise to God.
Secondly, I really appreciate the psalmist's repeated declarations that God is more precious and sacred to him than anything: human pursuits, the opinions of others, his reputation, his very life.
The writer does not ignore his hardships or make light of the danger he faces. But he repeatedly cries out to God, fully expecting deliverance. Moreover, he craves to be raised up for the sake of God's reputation, not his own, and also for the sake of drinking in more of the Lord.
(119:41-48)
"May your grace come to me, Adonai,
your salvation, as you promised;
the I will have an answer for those who taunt me;
for I trust in your word.
Don't take away completely my power to speak the truth;
for I put my hope in your rulings;
and I will keep your Torah always,
forever and ever.
I will go where I like,
for I have sought your precepts.
I will speak of your instructions even to kings
without being ashamed.
I will delight myself in your [rulings],
which I have loved.
I will lift my hands to your [rulings], which I have loved;
and I will meditate on your laws."
(65-72)
"You have treated your servant well,
Adonai, in keeping with your word.
Teach me good judgment and knowledge,
because I trust in your [rulings].
Before I was humbled, I usedto go astray;
but now I observe your word.
You are good, and you do good;
teach me your laws.
The arrogant are slandering me...
but I take delight in your Torah.
It is for my good that I have been humbled;
it was so that I would learn your laws.
The Torah you have spoken means more to me
than a fortune in gold and silver."
I'm praying with you, my friend. <3
I love you Jj. I wish I could give you a hug. :'( Goodnight Jj.
*-* I think the thought of a hug counts. Thank you!
I love you, too, Imoutochan. Rest in the Lord tonight. <3
What about Psalm 119:73-something?
^_^ Yes! 119:73-80 is beauiful and very powerful. I love that stanza.
"Yor hands made and formed me;
give me understanding, so I can learn your [rulngs].
Those who fear you rejoice at the sight of me,
because I put my hope in your word.
I know, Adonai, that your rulings are righteous,
that even when you humble me you are faithful.
Let your grace comfort me,
in keeping with your promise to your servant.
Show me pity, and I will live,
for your Torah is my delight.
Let the proud be ashamed, because they wrong me with lies;
as for me, I will meditate on your precepts.
Let those who fear you turn to me,
along with those who know your instruction.
Let my heart be pure in your laws,
so that I won't be put to shame."
What are your thoughts on this passage?
Mmm… I don’t really have any. What are your thoughts?
Taken by themselves, some lines in this passage could sound arrogant: "Let those who fear you rejoice at the sight of me...Let the proud be ashamed, because they wrong me with lies...Let those who fear you turn to me..." The speaker could mistakenly sound very conceited and cocky.
But what is the difference between cock-sure and confident? The focus of our attention. The desire of the speaker's heart is to see God magnified, and to better magnify God in his own life. This person hungers to know God and make Him known.
There is no issue of conceit here. The speaker clings to the assurance of his/her soul's worth in the sight of the Lord. This is a person who trusts the Lord to defend His own name, and all who bear it.
I love how beautifully this passage displays what it means to be a Signpost, a Shield, in the service of the Most High. As we diligently desire to surrender every breath and heartbeat to Jesus, we will continue growing into this same assurance. The Lord will make us confident of our place in His heart. And we will serve Him all the better for this increasing certainty. <3
I pray that you would continue to trust the Holy Spirit, continue fighting the lies that seek to disarm you, my friend. <3
How was your day?
My day was good...until I somehow ingested dairy during lunch. So I only worked half the hours I should have. I dislike having to leave my supervisors in a lurch like that. :( But I can't really be of help in my current state.
How was your day? I'm praying for you, dear heart.
O.O *bottom lip starts quivering...* Is it as bad as last time?
No, it's actually not as bad--which means I must have consumed a very, very tiny amount. I would appreciate prayer that I make it through the workday, though. (Lord, please keep the fatigue and fever under wraps until this afternoon...)
You will definitely have them! <3 you!
I'm struggling to get this written Jj. Basketball started last night.. and I have never hurt or felt this sick in my entire life. I couldn't sleep at all, even though I should've slept soundly, because the pain was so bad. This is 10 times worse than last year. Jj, I just know in my heart that God can sustain me, but I don't know that I can do this. Everything that could be wrong with me is wrong. I'm gonna try to walk to the bathroom and throw up now. :'(
I'm sorry, my friend. Let's both make it through today on God's strength, okay?
I'll keep praying for you--not just for today, but also for wisdom and direction as far as sports go. Hang in there, Imoutochan. <3
Okay... >.< Thanks Jj.
How'd you make it? O.o =/
Only by the grace of God. (Thank you, Jesus!) I'm going to spend my evening with a blanket, some soup, at least one nap, and an early bedtime.
Feel free to let me know how you're doing through some form of media. I'm continuing to pray for you, Imoutochan.
Yay! You're going to bed early! :D
Yup! 9-3:30. ^_^
How are you doing physically and spiritually?
Psshht... Try a quarter till 10. 9_9
Physically... I'm still really bad, but they gave me medicine now so hopefully I will be better. They said I can go back to school once my fever is gone, which will hopefully be tomorrow. :P Physically I'm a mess, I have the flu and a sinus infection major. Aaand, today I still have to tape of my room so my grandma can primer tomorrow. Oh man...
Spiritually, I'm strained. Jeeze... somedays it would be so much easier being an atheist. I'm about to strangle theology or even religeon in general, just to be honest. I've got 40 different people screaming at me to beleive a certain way and I have no idea who's right. Frankly, I'm tired of all this crap. When on earth did Christianity get so complicated?! I'm just trying to trust God that He'll show me what's right...
I'm sorry, my friend.
I certainly don't want to seem like one of those competing opinions; so I've been praying about what exactly I can say in response.
The One who loves you best and protects you always does not bring confusion. Like so many other things, He does allow it to plague us sometimes; but He himself never gives you anything but Truth. The Lord will absolutely, positively guide you through this. Just keep clinging to Him, keep pressing in. When the confusion and frustration strikes, clutch even more desperately to your private prayer time with the Lord.
And (at the risk of offering one more conflicting opinion) keep seeking out people in whose wisdom you trust--individuals you know to be pursuing the Lord. For that matter, keep asking the Lord whose words He would have you trust. Sometimes He offers us insight through the most unlikely sources. You may know people who are not necessarily seeking a whole relationship with the Lord; but if they offer you advice or criticism, keep an open mind. Take their words back to your Source. Ask Him, "What of this is important? What should I discard?" Everyone is human--only One Person can guide you perfectly. And He delights in doing exactly that. ^_^
I'm proud of you for pursuing Jesus, pursuing Truth. And I'm continuing to pray for you, Imoutochan. <3
Thanks Jj.
How are you today? O.o
I'm doing better. Thank you for asking. *-* Other than a residual fever and some nausea, I'm (mostly) all right. It's just the way things go.
I visited my mother today and spent a little time praying together. I also cuddled with my grandfather for a while.
How are you? *hug* I'm coninuing to pray for you, my friend.
I feel a little better this morning, but I still have to stay home today. :P I’m not quite as nocuous and my fever is down. I am plenty exhausted, however, because I haven’t hardly been able to sleep and I still hurt all over pretty bad and feel dizzy and sick. =/ The rest of me is trying to put the pieces together still. No, you’re not adding to the voices, just the views. I don’t mind talking to you about it, because you don’t shove it down my throat or Panda.
Okay, that's good to know. And you are always welcome to share, okay?
:-( I hope you feel better soon. <3
Okay. Thanks Jj. <3 How was your day? Did you work today? Do you work tomorrow?
Yes, and Yes.
My day was less-than-wonderful. I know for a fact that I did not represent Christ nearly as well as I should. But I asked forgiveness, took a fortifying nap, and now I'm ready to try again. ^_^
How are you doing with Psalms? (or scripture in general)
Atta girl. :)
...I'm not much further, to be totally honest. :P
^_~ You're kawai, my friend. And thanks.
That's okay. I'm sure you'll make progress in the exact timetable He has for you. I'm praying that you will feel the Lord's presence surrounding you, carrying you, sustaining you through each day and week. <3
What was the last thing you posted on here?
My parent's words keep playing over and over again nagging and attacking my mind. Everything about us and me and relationships and all that. It's about to drive me up a wall. My mind can't rest. >.<
Imoutochan, I consider you a friend, a sister in Christ. You have my word. I'm praying for you, dear heart; keep clinging to the Truth.
(There's more I want to say, but I just returned home from work. I need to sleep and pray before I'll trust myself to offer encouragement.) <3 Jj
I beleive you. Thank you Jj.
You can't work that late! -_- What's your boss's phone number?! That was like way way past your bedtime!
We actually finished an hour or two earlier than what it could have been.
*mumble mutter* .... still... -_-
This was on the radio on my way to school yesterday. It's the only thing I can remember that played.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AHdOZg1rUQ
That's a good song! I hadn't heard it before.
How are you doing today? I'll be praying for you.
I'm feeling slightly less stressed with my room painted. Now... I have to wait to get the flooring in so I can move all my junk back upstairs from the basement. :P I like it though. :) Apart from that I have a ton of homework I still have to do, so the stress is still looming. =/ I'll get 'er done though. Eventually... My mind is still a little scattered, but it's doing better today. Hopefully it will be even better tomorror. Every time that stuff comes up I get a heavy mental attack and it throws me for a loop. So, I'm doing better on the emotional side of things and have put a few peices together. Any kind of thoughts... at all?
Physically I'm doing much better than I was. O.o I feel like a new person, even though I'm still worse than I am normally and way more exhausted. Something about not being able to sleep when you're sick... :P
How are you doing? Was today as hectic as the last? O.o Love you Jj.
Thought #1: You shoud go to sleep, my friend. Seriously.
Thought #2: (see Thought #1 and imagine stern sisterly tone and expression)
I'm proud of you, Imoutochan. Just keep clinging to the Lord. You won't have all the answers right away. (Shoot, none of us will ever have ALL the answers! ^_~) But He will lead you...and protect you all the while. I know that you are seeking wise counsel from other Believers. Even in the midst of confusion, there will most certainly be growth. ^_^
Today was a good sort of hectic: housecleaning in prepartion for the long-promised visit of a couple I dearly love. They came to enjoy the woods before the autumn beauty disappeared. (Actually, the husband went for a walk while "the girls" chatted; he returned with two beautiful bouquets of leaves.)
Now I'm enjoying the quiet of an empty house. (Even the cats are silent; they're busy staking ot some mouse hole.) Sometime soon I intend to go enjoy a date with the Lord.
Sounds like a good day. ^_^
Yes, it has been. ^_^
At one point, you mentioned your frustration/anxiety with trying to figure out some theological questions, and the different perspectives you've encountered. I'd love to hear more about that at some point in time. <3
(But you should get some sleep first, my friend.) Jj
Yeah... =/ Only so God can have you though!
^_^ I'm praying you sleep, and sleep well.
Psalm 143 and 145.
Good Psalms. I ran across 143 as I was casting lots on what passage to read. :P
I like 150 as well. ^_^
I decided to cast lots again on what passage to read and I ended up in Proverbs. I read 8,2,3,4 and just totally felt calmed, like it's okay. It was amazing. ^_^ Then I called Mrs. White and we had our conversation and I feel even better and Todd said he would personally give us a tour of Ball State if we wanted so that we could get "the real story." I don't know, I feel really at peace... apart from my wrenching migrain. O.O Today was good. We had a great sermon this morning too. :D Proverbs and Mrs. White was the best though. :)
Cool!
On college: I'm happy to hear that you're feeling the Lord's peace. ^_^ As your friend, I want to advise you to apply to multiple colleges. (If nothing else, this allows you to use "comparison bargaining" to achieve a good financial aid package at the college you eventually choose.)
Have you begun looking at scholarships for which you can apply?
I'm praying for you as you navigate this new territory.
On time in the Word and time with wise people: Good for you! Just keep moving forward in this pattern of behavior. Don't isolate yourself; persuing these two areas will provide you with solace and assurance in the most difficult circumstances. <3
I don't want to isolate myself. =/
I know, my friend. And I'm proud of you for actively seeking to prevent that. ^_^
Sup Jj? How are you? How was your day? <3
I don't do so good sometimes.
I'm doing well, Imoutochan. ^_^ How are you?
I spent some time this morning revisiting the Pentateuch (mostly by systematically looking through passages I'd previously underlined). It still amazes me to read the complex and (somehow) perfect mingling of God's mercy and judgement toward the Israelite people. I also love reading about Melchizedek and Balaam--both of whom feared the Lord and talked with/served Him, but neither of whm were Israelites. Two more examples of God's Spirit being powerful and above human boundaries.
Knowing/understanding stuff.
I'm tired.
I did lots of math today and ran a lot.
Sounds like fun. ^_~
I'm coninuing to pray for you my friend. Are there any topics/issues/struggles about which I can be praying with you that you'd like to share here?
That God tells me what to do and opens my parents minds to whatever that is. And that I keep growing and don't stop, because I don't want to.
*-* You've got it! Thank you for sharing, Imoutochan. <3 Jj
Umm... (*a little lost*) You're welcome.
It's always wonderful to hear again that your heart is for the Lord. Just keep pressing in, my friend. <3
Jj, I'm scared. :'(
Why are you scared, Imoutochan?
I got an asthma attack and I don't know where my inhaler is. :'(
I think I need lots of sleep to be better. 8(
:-( Becoming so scared that you have an asthma attack...that's not good, Imoutochan.
Can we talk (in general terms) about what's frightening you? Is it schoolwork? Or preparing for college? Or relationship with God? Or human relationships? Or change in general? What lies and fears are you battling right now, my friend?
<3 I'm praying for you.
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