Hello, friend! First of all, thank you for bearing with me during these long intervals between posts.
Work has been a bit rough. (I'm really looking forward to tomorrow--my day off after seven 8-12hour work days! The Lord continues to be generous: both by providing me with income, and also by giving me incentive to be deliberate with my free time.)
But work really hasn't been the main issue. This subject-matter is intensely personal...writing each of these posts involves revisiting and reexamining. I cannot express how grateful I am that my Lord is calling me to embark on this internal-external journey. And I am truly humbled that you, dear reader, choose to include my journey in the course of your own. Thank you, my friend. And thank You, my Lord!
The next post will really begin exploring my relationship with my father, and the impact of that very broken relationship. This is very difficult for me to write about. I do not want to bash another fallen human being; yet I have only my biased perspective from which to draw. Another complication results from the ongoing rift between my father and myself. Unlike my relationships with my mom and younger sister, there has been no reconciliation with my father. So I am fully aware that whatever the Lord leads me to share with you will be material that my father has not sanctioned me to share. Moreover, he would probably consider virtually all of this information to be preposterous, perhaps even take my words as a direct attack. I have no desire to hurt my father...but I am called first and foremost to be obedient to my Father and Lord. So I will be sharing some things with you soon. Thank you again for bearing with me as I pray and diligently seek a righteous balance.
I am continuing to pray for you, my reader and friend. And I am very grateful for your prayers, as well!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
112 comments:
It should work now. Somehow the settings got changed, I think when maintenance and stuff was going on. Cross your fingers. ^_^
Thank you for my prize and for coming to see me! :D *-* Yay for fuzzy days made fuzzy... (only in the good way :P)
(Nope, it still doesn't work. But we'll be okay. Thanks for trying, though. *-*)
And as for yesterday, you're welcome. Thank *you*! It was fun, even though brief. I'm continuing to pray for you, Imoutochan. Keep pressing in, dear heart. <3
*squirms* Can we like... move on? Are you mad at me?
Hello, my name is Imoutochan. I like basketball and bunny-rabbits. What's your name?
Oh yeah. I'm very, very mad. ^_~
This Tuesday; three o'clock; on the playground. We're gonna duke it out. Be there.
Hey, what a coincidence! I like bunny-rabbits, too! I also like miniature woolly mammoths.
Yay, my weekend has been made. ^_^ Personally I vote like... 12, but you know... that's just me.
Wait... miniature?
Eeer.... 12:30 I mean. Or even like, 2... Or 3, that, that works too... By the way, I think woolly mamoths (which are extinct by the way) could take bunny-rabbits.
You think so, huh? I dunno... It's true that bunnies can't compete where physical strength is concerned. But bunnies are very tricky. I bet the bunny-rabbits would stand a good chance of coming out ahead.
^_^ Have a good weekend, dear friend. Thanks for making me smile!
Excuse me, but it's not my fault woolly mamoths were made fuzzy.
^_^
<3
But it might be your fault that they're cute.
They're fat and smelly, not cute.
*bottom lip starts to quiver* ... *30 seconds of staring at the screen later:* "Waaah! I can't help it I'm not smart or witty anymore. Please don't beat me up. :'(
Bunny-rabbits are also fat and smelly, if you get right down to it. ^_~
*hug* Hang in there, dear heart.
Bunnies are at least skinnier... and Old Spice Bunny-Rabbits actually do smell good - I would like to point out! ;)
Woolly Mammoths who have turned into freaks have a hard time finding a home, not to mention the fact that they're Woolly Mammoths to begin with... Bunnies don't tend to have the same problem. :(
Imoutochan, don't forget that "freak" is code for "special." Special always, always has a home. And it is perfect in every way.
Hang in there, my friend. You are not forsaken or unloved. You belong to the King of Kings! ^_^ That means you are beautiful, precious, and able. Don't believe anything less of yourself, Imoutochan.
(And thank you. *-* But don't forget: bunnies are very, very fluffy--in more ways than one.)
I know it, they make good pillows. :)
*sigh*
Jj, I can't help it. I still feel like a total freak. It's like... impersonating Michael Jackson all day long. O.o
I wanna be normal! :'(
I assume you're referring to the dust mask? I'm sure it's uncomfortable and strange. But the goal is to minimize your allergic reactions, right? Yes, it may be odd, it may be "strange," but if it helps you function better...
Sometimes "normal" has to change, my friend. Isn't that what being a follower of Christ is all about? We seek to have our "normal" transformed, renewed, healed.
On a more practical level, it may prove helpful to have a visual representation of your struggles. Other people sometimes fail to understand or remember difficulties that are not visible. You might actually find that this mask aids you in the long run.
Yes. You will stand out. There's no denying that fact. (I was having a very similar discussion just a short while ago with a good friend of mine who uses a wheelchair. You might discuss this topic with her, actually. ^_^) Since we can agree that you will attract attention, the question becomes: What will you do with that attention? Drawing the eyes of those around you can be an excellent opportunity to live out your relationship with the Lord. You might not always need the mask. But this is His means of better enabling you to be salt and light *right now*.
Besides, you can draw designs or funny faces on it! ^_^
Ah! O.O He needs to pick someone else to be His Living-It-Out example.
Sorry, babe. None of us get that option. *hug*
Aww… no “reset button” or “shuffle”? :(
How’d you get on that topic? About her? I would've thought that wouldn't be an issue by now...
I'm continuing to pray for you, Imoutochan. I'm proud of you for continuing forward in the face of tough circumstances. ^_^ Keep pressing in.
If it'll make you feel any better, I'll meet you on the playground at 3 o'clock on Tuesday, and let you beat me up.
Naww, too many little eyes watching. I'll be annoying my English teacher if you want to find me. Follow the screams.
I just wanted to say that I personally believe woolly mammoths are not extinct, but very scared creatures who are hiding out in magical forests with all the unicorns and dragons, avoiding our society altogether. :D
Ooo! Are you the unicorn?! What color are you?!
Magical forests, huh? A lime green unicorn might be fun.
^_^ The two of you crack me up.
Nuhuh! She's purple. Period.
Oh yeah? Okay then. ^_^
So what color should the woolly mammoth be? Or the bunny?
Well, the Woolly Mammoth should be brown, like it's eyes. I'm thinking a tan color or white for the bunny. But it can only be white if its' eyes aren't red, that bugs me to death. O.o
Hmm...I would be okay with a dark-blue woolly mammoth. (After all, it lives in a magical forest with the purple unicorn.) And the bunny...well...yeah, it probably doesn't get to live in a magical forest, so perhaps a normal color would be best. We can probably avoid red eyes, though. I'm with you there.
Incidentally, this has been a *very* fun string of nonsense. ^_^ Thanks!
Why does the bunny not get to live in the magical forest with the brown woolly mammoth and the purple unicorn?
Because the *blue* woolly mammoth and purple unicorn are much cooler. Hands down.
^_~
*bottom lip starts to quiver* *looks teary eyed...then lets loose* Waaaah! I want to live in the forest with the bunny! :'(
Umm... Jj, you want to know the honest truth? It really is almost making me cry. Take it back!
Okay, the bunny can live in the forest. (But magical forests should be inhabited by animals that are not normal colors. A brown or white bunny in a magical forest still seems a little sub-par.) ^_~
So, the woolly mammoth is either brown matching its’ eyes. Black like its’ true insides or blue like the game of life.
White IS cool. It's like: magical shaman secretive ghost of the wooded palace.
*rolling eyes* If you want the woolly mammoth to match the game of life, it'll have to be pink.
I'll agree to the white bunny if you'll agree to different symbolic color choices for the woolly mammoth. (And once again, I'm really amused that we're continuing this. ^_^ It's fun!)
Fine. I want… grey.
Okay, the woolly mammoth can be grey. But is has to be sparkly grey.
^_^
Oo! Shiny!
^_^ You're cute, my friend.
*-*
*whirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* *click* *whirrrrrrr* *click-click* *bzzzzzzz-whirrr-bzz* *click* *bzz* *click-click* ... *click* ... *cli-* ... *PAH!* [brain machine thingy dies]
Even a bubble-blowing reboot session failed to solve the problem.
So while I'm still attempting to finish the next post, let's hav some more fun, shall we?
Any silly questions or random facts you'd like to know?
Or, we could figure out what other animals should inhabit this enchanted forest...
Oo! Oo! We could talk about the fuzzy animal that inhabits the english room! To practice learning the art of exorcism, the 9th and 10th graders are going to attempt to exorcise the demon out the room who lurks in the far back left hand corner. It is now also on a leash, Mandy's orders, who promised not to touch it as long as I kept it on one. Hehe... I gotten the BEST glare 'I am SO going to KILL you' EVER! It was amaaazing. ^_^ Oh by the way, I came right out and told Mandy. You would have been proud.
...
In all honesty...I don't quite know where to take the chain of conversation from here...
Wanna help me out?
How about: What do you tell someone/where do you guide them when they're looking to you for help and direction and say: "Right now, I just can't beleive God loves me. I'm worried He's going to take everything from me and that's why I want to keep a hold on so many things... How do I get there? How do I understand His love? Nothing is making sense to me anymore."
O.o You wanna help me out some?
If you know someone who's askin those questions, here's how I would personally respond:
"Oh babe, He absolutely loves you. He loves you more deeply and more fully than any human being ever can. He *knows* you. Completely. And He loves you in the midst of any filth you despise in yourself. And He loves you in the midst of the howling lies of utter loneliness and rejection. Dear one, He is abiding with you--right this minute."
"In the seventh chapter of Job, we hear Job telling God, 'Remember that my life is but a breath; my eyes will never again see good times. The eye that now sees me will see me no more; while your eyes are on me, I will be gone....Am I the sea, or some sea monster, that you put a guard over me? When I think that my bed will comfort me, that my couch will relieve my complaint, then you terrify mewith dreams and frighten me with visions. I would rather be strangled; death would be better...I hate it! I won't live forever, so leave me alone, for my life means nothing' (7:7-8, 12-16)."
"We have no trouble recalling/discussing Job's physical and economic hardships. But it goes so much deeper. Job was literally *tormented* nightly by dreams and visions. Who knows what they involved... But I bet it was terrible--especially over a long period of time. The Lord gave Satan permission to afflict Job in any way that did not involve taking Job's life. I bet you Satan was really hoping to get Job to take his own life, though. Doesn't that sound just like a tactic of the Lier? Satan's ultimate goal *was* Job's life--in whatever form he could get it. Tat could mean suicide; that could just mean turning away from the loving God who allowed these horrible thing to happen. Quite frankly, from a human standpoint, all the 'evidence' was in Satan's favor."
"Even Job's so-called friend remarks in chapter 8, 'If you will earnestly seek God and plead for Shaddai's favor, if you are pure and upright; then he will rouse himself for you and fulfill your needs' (8:5-6)."
"Job already *had* Shaddai's favor! This favor was exactly what Job experienced during his time of prosperity (Any imbecile could see that!) But never forget, dear one, that this same favor--a greater measure of favor, even--was also what Job experienced now. In the midst of physical, financial, mental, emotional, and spiritual agony, the Lord was showing Job great favor. His love never lessened. His protection never disappeared. Adonai never, ever abandoned the work of his hands."
"You are not Job. But you *are* the work of Adonai's hands. He loves you just ans fervently. His love will never lessen; his protection will never disappear. I'm sure all signs point to the opposite conclusion at times, though, don't they, dear one? But I promise you that you will never be forsaken."
"Although he did not mean it in quite this way, I like the concluding sentence of Bildad's thought in chapter 8: 'Then, although your beginnings were small, your future will be very great indeed' (8:7). Bildad was more correct than his legalistic mind could fathom. Job's future would be very great indeed, because the God who loved Job had every intention of bringing it about."
"God has every intention of bringing about wonderful things for you, dear one. Your future will be great indeed. Never doubt His love for you. The only possible way for Adonai Nissi to abandon you is for himto cease to exist. We serve an immutable God. Cling to that promise, babe."
I have to leave for the evening. I hope that helps you help your friend. If you have any other questions, I'd be more than happy to pray about an answer. As always, thank you for asking questions, my dear friend.
*By the way, I really, really think there ought to be a panda bear in the magical forest. Any thoughts on that point?
^_^ <3 Jj
Okay. Thank you! Bunches!
Yay! I think we should have a light brown and white one. :D
Oooh, a light-brown-and-white panda bear would be fun! Maybe it should make some sort of funny noise. Or funny-colored smoke could come out of its ears when it's irritated or happy.
^_~
No, it just needs to have really curly fur. :)
And I wanna be dark blue, not grey. Pleease? That's a fun color for a woolly mammoth. And I like blue. :D
A culry-furred light-brown-and-white panda. Check. ^_^
And yes, dark blue would be fine. I think that's the color I originally voted for, actually. (As long as this color choice doesn't have any connections to Life. Got it?)
*Not that it relates to anything in particular, but I really like the first few lines of the chorus in Skillet's song 'Believe.'
"If you believe, when [they] said..."
Daijoubu. ^_^
<3
Why do you like the first few lines?
It's hard sometimes though. When they're speaking louder than anything else. You know, when the truth isn't there to make a case for itself and you just have to drown out the other voices.
Well, I can't quite decide what I think of the song as a whole: I don't consider any human being to be "all that I want...all that I need" but I really like the lines before that.
There are often times when my insecure mind would suggest that I'm merely a burden; that a friend finds me annoying or is angry at me. At those moments I have to operate on faith. I know that I had previously been certain that my friend loves me and considers me to be of value. So in moments when my fear and insecurity would undermine that truth, I have to trust my friend.
Several friends will vouch that I sometimes deteriorate into a walking apology. At times I spend days assuming that I've succeeded at nothing except irritating everyone around me. (For example, my first inclination is to interpret my best friend's silence as anger. In actuality, she's just tired and attempting to regroup.) These are people who tell me I am important to them. They have said they love me; they encourage and confront me; they forgive me... "I'm nothing but a burden." "I'm sure my friend is fed up with me." "I'm not as interesting/pretty/sweet/talented as _____; I'm sure my friend would much rather not waste time with me." Each time I fall into this trap (and I still do!) I am actually discrediting/discounting the integrity of my friend. I really don't want to do that.
That's what I appreciated about those particular lyrics. It's a very well-phrased picture of warped perception/interpretation leading to unnecessary pain and mistrust. When I pause to consider my impressions that "I" am not satisfactory, I come to the realization that I am insulting "my friends" in a backwards way. We humans are such weird, sad beings...
But thankfully, the Lord has blessed me with very patient and loving friends. They always forgive me for my mistrust. That forgiveness alone is a reminder of the Truth.
(Quite frankly, I'm pretty "out of it" at the moment...so if that previous comment doesn't make sense, or seems overly intense...I'll try better next time.)
When the Lord wakes you up three hours before your alarm, and invites you to have a date, it's definitely gonna be someting special. *-*
I'm praying for you today, my friend!
<3
No, it made sense. Thank you.
Who? And thank you, I need it right now. Exhaustion is getting the better of me. :(
Aww, I'm sorry about the exhaustion. Hang in there, Imoutochan.
This won't help, really, but at least it'll give you something to laugh about: I attended a brass band concert this evening with my friend and her parents. When I arrived, I called to find out where to meet up with my friends. While on the phone, I systematically popped the trunk, got out of the car, closed the door, put my keys in my purse, placed my purse int he car trunk...and shut the trunk. When I got off the phone and realized what I'd just done, I paniced a little.
I sought out two nice gentleman, who directed me to an official staff member for assistance. Upon explaining my dilemma to the staff member, he said, "Okay, let's take this one step at a time. Are all the car doors locked?"
I paused.
I pondered.
I realized.
I'd been so distracted by my phonecall that I'd locked the keys in the trunk. But I'd also been so distracted that I completley forgot to lock the car doors. The nice man wallked me back to the car...where I opened the driver's door and pushed the trunk release button--effectively ending my problem.
Have I mentioned recently that I'm a ditz? Orange may be the new pink; but brunette is definitely the new blond, my friend. ^_~
<3 Jj
I have brown hair too you know... ;)
Well, that makes it doubly fitting then, doesn't it? ^_~
I'm continuing to pray for you, my friend. (This isn't a space in which I can write out a private prayer. But I'm praying that the Lord mei guide and help you. I'm also preying that He mei show me how to encourage you in the best way.) <3 Jj
Jj, you okay?
Yes, I'm doing fine. Why? Thank you for asking, though.
Well... either you meant to and I'm just really slow or you sound tired and mispelled a bunch of words. If you meant to spell a few a certain way then it was the "preying" afterwords that threw me off. ;)
Note to self: Chocolate goldfish are not woolly mammoth friendly in more ways than one.
Ahahaha! I completely missed the fact that I mispelled "praying" that second time. (Well, at that moment I was thinking about a friend who's dealing with a great deal of spiritual oppression; musta been a Freudian slip.) ^_^
Aww, sorry friend. Might have go by ingredient labels, huh? *hug*
Ha, that's what I thought. :)
You mean those little tiny words on the back of the package?
Yup. Them's the ones.
Typically, there will be a bold line at the bottom listing common allergins. Corn, however, is not usually among the items listed there. So you'd still need to scan the list (especially for corn syrup--since it's such a popular filler.)
And corn syrup is what gets me good. :P (pop...twizzlers...) I can even manage a few corn chips, but I can't do corn syrup.
Well, you're figuring it out by trial and error. It's tough having to go by that method, but that's how it goes in allergy situations. There's no guarantee that eliminating all problem foods will fix *all* of your difficulties. But it will certainly help a great deal.
I like this forest. :) There should also be hammoks in every tree.
Can our stuffed animal come to life in our magical forest? (But still hold their stuffed animal look.)
Hammocks sound nice! Can there be bubble fountains, too?
I'm all for stuffed animals coming to life. I have a couple that I'd enjoy seeing filled with life and laughter. ^_^
Yay! ^_^
Can Becky be in our forest?
Well, I don't know about her. But I do know that the Ninja Hime would very much like to join the forest band. How do you feel about a white wolf?
^_^
Riiiight. Sorry. Um... I think a white wolf would be okay, as long as it doesn't have black or red eyes. O.o
A non-biting pettable wolf?
Nope. Blue eyes, I think.
Non-biting, yes. Pettable...well...that's probably a case-by-case basis. ^_~
*And just for the sake of other readers, the panda bear would like it duly noted that there are NO magical mushrooms in this forest. Only some very silly critters.*
Ok. It's all good then. ^_^
Nope, no magical mushrooms... just enchanted dairy-free milk weeds.
Enchanted dairy-free milk weeds? ^_^ Does that mean this forest has enchanted dairy-free butterflies?
Are you in a habit of consuming butterflies?
*dies laughing*
I profess no such habit. (But monarch butterflies hatch on milkweed.)
You never know though...the magical, dairy-free butterflies might taste good. High in fiber, low in cholesterol. ^_~
Oh! Okay...
That's mean... poor butterflies. They're too pretty to eat.
I think panda bear should make funny noises when it's angry. :)
Ahahaha! Yay! I think the panda bear would be very gifted at that.
As for the enchanted butterflies, I promise not to eat too many of them. Think of it as the magical forest version of sushi. ^_^
I know, wouldn't it though? ;)
Oh dear...
This is where the white-furred, blue-eyed, stealthy yet sometimes pettable inhabitant of said magic forest makes her debut.
Shouldn't we come up with some magical names to go with all of this? What say you, dark blue whooly mammoth?
Well, I thought they had names, but sure. What do you suggest?
Oh! We already have names? Whoops.
Dunno. I'll have to give my magical imagination time to let it marinate. Right now I'ma go spend some time with God so I'll figure it out later and get back to you. ^_~
It's okay to write on my blog too. You won't get lynched. :P
You're both way too cute. ^_^ Personally, i think "Chu" would be a good name for the bunny. But I'm gonna leave this project your more creative minds.
w00t! I'm looking at a work-free week, ladies! *And* the Lord has been so gracious as to lift my writer's block through an unexpected, but beautiful, conversation. Do you know what all that means? It means I'm hoping to have that next installment posted before my haircut appointment on the southside this Tuesday afternoon!
I'm praying for you both. I'm also praying for any other readers. Hang in there!
Any other suggestions?
Ooo! Are you gonna get it shaved and get hennah?!
^_^
Sadly, no henna tattoos. But I *am* gonna get this curly mop severly shortened. (My yearly shearing)
...I just imagined you wide-eyed with panic and bleating like a sheep in a beauty parlor chair. Sounds about right.
Speaking of bloggishness, I really need to finish that thingy you asked me to write. Sorry, my emotional energy has been uh, focused elsewhere.
I'm thinking that "Oogabooga" might be a good name for a whooly mammoth, and I kinda like the name "Fleabag" for a wolf. It's a good thing it's a white wolf with blue eyes and not black with red. If it was a black one with red eyes, the name I would (and have) used for it is less than kosher in polite company. The bunny can be named "Chu" on the condition that it says, "Oshuuuuuu!"
Wide-eyed, yes. Bleating like a sheep might be stretching things a bit; although I'm glad you got a chuckle out of the mental image. More likely I'll be chatting animatedly with the woman wielding the scissors. (Do you remember how much it has embarassed you to be with me when I strike up random conversations with strangers? Like that lady behind us in the checkout line at Borders; I remarked on the greeting card she was going to purchase--it had a bulldog wearing heart boxers. She started telling me about her boyfriend...and the kinds of dogs she likes...and the kinds of dogs her boyfriend likes...and I thought you were going to sink right through the floor.) So yes, stick with your mental image of me bleating if that'll be less traumatic for you. ^_~
Yeah, I'd really love to have that piece from you. Could you have something by the next time I see you in person? At the incredibly slow rate that I'm going, I can't imagine needing it before then.
-_- I'm thinking you can come up with much better names than "Oogabooga" and "Fleabag." Perhaps I'm biased, but I don't believe those names do the animals justice. And don't forget that the Panda and the Unicorn need names as well.
The bunny seems to be very good at saying "Oshuuuuuu!" (Especially a white bunny that can't seem to get away from being a 'magical shaman secretive ghost of the wooded palace'.)
I think you're one of three or four people who tend to refer to the black-red variety in less than polite terms. -_-
Guys, I'm not going to be able to remember all these names... I don't remember what happened today and in about 35 minutes I won't remember this post.
*hug*
As long as you remember that you are prayed for and loved, dear heart.
Okay *-* :)
And not replaced.
^_^ Yes. That too.
(And not a stick bug, either.)
A stick bug?
I'll explain that one later, too.
Can you try going to bed, babe?
Imm gginoing to bedd noow. Sshee saaid ti wwass tmie foor beed. Seee sshee wnantedd to tallk to mme.
Yeah, I know babe.
I'm really praying that you're able to get some sleep tonight. Hang in there, Imoutochan.
It didn't work. And my tummy hurts and I don't know why. When do you get to visit me? I have to be left on Thursday. I go to the doctor so they can make me breath.
Ii'm sttarnig too shake aggain. :(
I am praying for you today. (I'll be around on Wednesday and Friday. Then we can pray together in person.)
<3 Jj
Panda said you could talk to me tonight on here. She can't because we have to work tomorrow. ??? Maybe? :(
I wanna talk about God-stuff, but I'm always too fuzzy. :'(
Well, we can give it a shot and see what happens, okay?
I should open up a new "random stuff" post anyway...since I didn't make my self-proclaimed deadline of having the next "That Which the Locust Has Eaten" installment finished.
So I'll "meet" you there sometime around 8:30. <3 Jj
Post a Comment