Thank you so very much for your patience, dear reader. I apologize for the continued delay of further installments in "That Which the Locust Has Eaten." I haven't forgotten or disappeared off the face of this planet. Some interesting, unexpected opportunities have kept me rather busy of late. I hope to pick up my train of thought and resume sharing with you soon.
In the meantime, I would be honored to learn what you're learning, experiencing, or contemplating. Do you have any questions or prayer requests? Please share whatever is on your heart!
For the glory of Another
- not4myself
- This blog is meant to be a dialogue in which questions, ideas, frustrations, and worship can be shared. This is a place to engage the ideas presented by individuals--authors, singers, speakers, friends or strangers--and the culture at-large. This is a place to sift.
124 comments:
I just read a truly beautiful story written by one of my sisters. *-* She did such a wonderful job! What talent! And what a blessing from the Lord! I know He's going to bring about a great deal of blessing to others through her (He certainly uses her to bless me!); and I am confident that He will bless her greatly in the process, as well. I am so proud of my little sisters!
(I'll quit boasting now. Please, please feel free to share something here!)
Okay... in my verse book you have a page that talks about God preparing a man for me. Now that I think about it, that was really random. Why did you put that in there? After reading in Corinthians I don't think I want to get married anyway. O.o Paul kinda goes on a rampage against it. If all marriage is to keep you from sinning, then I don't think I need to be married... And if God would rather me not be married then I definitely don't want to.
*-*
I think it's a wonderful idea not to seek marriage unless the Lord points you in that direction. Wonderful! But before we discuss that, let's step back and take another look at chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians together. ^_^
Remember Paul's background: this is a devout Jewish man, a very, very learned man who knew the Hebrew scriptures backwards and forwards. Does God, the creator of marriage, ever denounce marriage in scripture? No. Okay, then would Paul, a very upright, well-read (and formerly legalistic) son of the nation of Israel denounce or rampage against an institution God created and endorsed? That doesn't seem to fit, does it, Imoutochan?
So, let's look for an alternate explanation, okay?
(I'll have to finish my thought later. For now, feel free to think and dialogue about what I've just said.) <3 Jj
"Or don't you know that your body is a temple of for the Holy Spirit who lives in inside you, whom you received from God? The fact is, you don't belong to yourselves; for you were bought at a price. So use your bodies to glorify God.
"Now to deal with the questions you wrote about: 'Is it good for a man to keep away from women?' Well, because of the dangers of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and each wife her own husband. The husband should give his wife what she is entitled to in the marriage relationship, and the wife should do the same for her husband....Do not deprive each other, except for a limited time, by mutual agreement, and then only so as to have extra time for prayer; but afterwards, come together again....I am giving you this as a suggestion, not a command. Actually, I wish everyone were like me; but each has his own gift from God, one this, another that.
"Now to the single people and the widows I say that it is fine if they remain unmarried like me; but if they cannot exercise self-control, they should get married; because it is better to get married than to keep burning with sexual desire."
I think it would be safe to say that Paul, in all of his letters, is very concerned about idolatry not taking root within the Church. I know that I have encountered many people for whom the idea of marriage was an idol. Often, men and women allow themselves to fanisize and daydream about physical and emotional intimacy. Have you ever known someone whose desire for an intimate relationship with a man or woman took precedence over her/his desire for an intimate relationship with Jesus? Ideally, no one should marry while retaining that idolatrous mindset. Paul doesn't want to see that happen. And I'm sure you also don't want such a flawed perspective for yourself or those around you. ^_^
At the same time, singleness can also be an idol. If God deliberately places a pure desire for marriage within a woman's heart, and then brings alongside her another individual, also seeking to serve God, whom she respects and to whom she is attracted, then it is very controlling and rebellious for that woman to refuse marriage on the grounds that she wants to only seek the Lord.
I would classify myself in that second camp: I don't want to be married; but it's a desire based upon the wrong motivations. God knows our needs far better than we do ourselves, dear friend. He knows exactly how and when to heal me and draw me closer to Himself. And that healing might involve a growth partnership with another believer. Selfishly, I want my realtionship with Jesus, the manner in which I am continuously drawn closer to him, to remain as it is at the present time: just me and Him. But that preference mostly comes from fear. Jesus knows that I still need a LOT of healing where men are concerned. And He's going to bring that healing about at the proper time. So, if I one day find myself married, does that mean I have moved down to a lesser category? That I've done something wrong? No, dear heart. Not at all. It means that (hopefully) I'll be married because the Lord wants to minister to me AND this man through us spurrin geach other on in our relationships with the Lord. If God brings such a man into my life and I stubbornly refuse to entertain the idea of marriage because 'I want to focus only on the Lord' then I won't really be serving the Lord obediently, will I? Nope.
So, my real answer to your underlying concern is this: don't fret, dear heart. ^_^ Just keep your eyes focused on the Lord. If you find yourself desiring marriage and/or children, keep giving those desires back to Him--just like you should with any other dream or longing. He knows the hopes of your heart, my friend. Just keep walking, keep trusting, and let Him shape the journey. <3 Jj
Yes, that does. Thanks.
On Saturday afternoon, I found myself getting to know two single women for the first time. Much to my surprise, we had a three-hour discussion of marriage. (It isn't a topic I typically explore.) That same day, I spent the evening with some acquaintances, having dinner, playing games, and watching Fireproof. (I've now been introduced to the bizarre game "Killer Bunnies.") I went for the company--out of appreciation to be invited--not out of any desire to view the predetermined movie choice, a movie I have deliberately chosen not to see up until now.
On Sunay morning, the pastor announced that instead of exploring 1 Peter 4 as previously scheduled, he was going to digress slightly and discuss Song of Songs. Then I spent Sunday afternoon meeting for only the second time with a teen girl who wanted to ask me questions about marriage.
GOd is up to something. I don't know what that "something" is...but I would really appreciate your prayers as I [fearfully] seek the answer. <3 Jj
I will Jj. :)
I would appreciate your prayers toaday as I have gotten little sleep and must confront multiple people.
Thanks for your prayers. *-*
And yes, I'm continuing to pray that the Holy Spirit will strength and sustain you. Moreover, I pray that He will grant you words that are not your own, but rather a gift from the One who is wisdom and love. Keep me posted, my friend. ^_^
Someday, there might be a man who kisses my lips.
But Jesus kisses my heart and mind.
But maybe Jesus wants to heal you all the way around.
I need prayer Jj. I don't remember the last time I had a migraine this bad. :'(
:( I was praying for you last night; and I'm praying for you still. Hang in there, Imoutochan.
You're right: Jesus wants to heal me all the way around. I'm seeking to desire that healing. For now, I'm just blown away by how fully and intimately Jesus knows me, loves me. No human being will ever come as close as He does. That's such a lovely thought to me right now; I just wanted to praise Him for the gift of His unparalleled love. ^_^
True, but Jj, Jesus compares his relationship with us, his church, as a bride and groom. A man may not be able to love you as well as the God who sees everything and is the King of love, but a husband will be able to love you far more than you have experienced on this earth yet. You and your husband will be one flesh, just as Jesus lives in you as one flesh. God wouldn't have used the picture of a bride and groom if it was way out there on the comparison scale. There's something Jesus wants to give you on this earth that he cannot do himself. It's just like Adam in the garden. Adam had God in the flesh, but Jesus wanted to give him more than just himself. It's a different kind of love true, but hardly by what we can see just a flippant passion.
You're very right; we experience human love in a different way. Wow, how wonderful is God to provide both, huh? ^_^ Relationship with God. Relationship with people. Two very precious gifts.
Thank you for the reminder, friend!
I've hit my head really hard on various 3 times in the last 24 hours. So, it's covered in lumps. I've been battling constant headcahes and migraines for the last 48 hours. My blood sugar has been getting really worse. I even ate a bunch today and still got a headache really bad only 3 hours later. Tonight one the heavy duty carpet staples came up and slit my toe open. My finger got over done and I had to put the splint back on it this afternoon... So, apart from that I'm feeling sick. My foot is throbbing (I just did it 20 minutes ago >.<).
:( I'm very sorry to hear all of that. I'll keep praying for you. Hopefully you manage to sleep tonight, my friend.
At some point in time (when you feel up to it) I would also like to hear how you and Jesus are doing--what topics and questions you're discussing, what hurts and joys you're sharing, etc. Any or none of these things would be welcome, okay? No pressure; no hurry.
Hang in there, dear heart. <3 Jj
Okay, I'll think on it.
My own spirit has been unsettled the past few days: questions about human love...questions about God's love...questions about enabling my frightened heart to accept both.
Dear friend, I know there was a time in the recent past when you struggled with feeling inferior, second-rate. In fact, perhaps you occasionally find yourself still faced with that anxiety? Perhaps you even go looking for evidence to validate the very concern you wish someone could prove isn't true.
We'll always manage to find evidence supporting what we "know" to be true: you don't measure up; you don't deserve this; you really shouldn't expect to be fulfilled because it just won't happen. I'm just as guilty of this thought pattern as anyone else.
Throughout this time of questioning, the Lord keeps prompting me with reminders of just how throughly he sustained me and how richly He blessed me during the past twelve months--in some very challenging circumstances, through some beautiful strangers who have grown very precious to me. The blessings are present...in the face of all the turmoil and heartache, the blessings are undeniable. And each time He reminds me of all these things, He says, "It's okay, my darling. You love me; so just rest. It's okay. What I do is what 'I AM'. You have nothing about which to despair. No seeming difference between you and those around you bears any importance on this relationship of ours. It's okay. I AM. Rest. Trust. Cry if you need to, but cry in my arms. It's okay, dear one. You are, have been, and will be. Because I AM."
My friend, I do not necessarily know the burdens on your heart today. But it's okay. Because He IS. So not only does He know, but He IS the answer. So don't worry or fear, dear heart. It's okay. If your thoughts are troubled, it's okay. Just keep talking to Him, cry in His arrms. It's okay. You are cherished and protected and chosen. You always will be. Because He IS.
<3 Jj
I wish it was easy though. =/
^_^
If it was easy, it wouldn't be nearly so worthwhile. Just keep pressing in. Don't worry about whether or not you being "you" will be enough. He IS. And He loves you with an everlasting love, dear heart. So no, it will not be easy, and we will never be sufficient; but He IS...so our lack is more than covered: it is completely wiped away.
*-* I'm doing okay.
How are you?
I'm not doing very good... =/
:( I'm very sorry to hear that. In what way(s)?
I'm not doing good physically. And I'm feeling really lonely and sad.
I'm praying for you today, my friend. Hang in there. <3 Jj
Is your sadness and loneliness due to anything specific or is it just a general feeling? In either case, keep the worship music going, dear heart.
I don't know Jj. Some just because. Some maybe because my sissy is going to be gone all next weekend and I won't get to talk to her for a long time. And then last night I left her a sad smiley and she doesn't care to respond back after she left right away, but this morning she was playing on facebook and probably won't be on tonight, but still won't even send me a message. =/ Honestly, I don't know. I can try to break down all the reasons, but I don't know that I can give you a definite answer. The pink duck hurt me really bad and continues to do so. I don't know Jj.
I think I'm around too much.
I'm sorry that relationships are painful, my friend. I'm sure your sissy didn't intend to hurt you. Maybe you should talk to her about it--ask what she was thinking/interpreting? And maybe you should have a talk with your other friend as well? :( Sometimes relationships aren't fun, huh?
Thank yo for sharing honestly with me, though, Imoutochan. And if I have hurt you unintentionally in some way, please tell me about it so I can apologize and understand.
And no, if she doesn't ask that means she doesn't want to know. So, I'm gonna stay quiet.
Bye <3
I know we really prefer for others to just notice and ask...but that can be a very unfair test or demand. For example, I have a couple of friends who are wonderful people, who love me dearly; but since these individuals do not pick up on nonverbal cues in the same way, or to the same degree, that I do. So it's not that my friends don't love me. It's just that my friends' focus is different. I have to allow for that difference and love my friends as they are--which means coming to terms with the necessity of verbalizing "I'm really hrting right now."
Does that make sense? (This is not meant as a lecture, just an idea open for comments.)
Jj... I'm tired of being sad and lonely. I don't like it. I'm like that all the time. Even when I'm with you guys I am sometimes lonely and sad. Maybe because I know my time with you guys is short and maybe because I'm just scared, but maybe I don't really know why either. :( Being lonely is the worst feeling in the world. And then when you don't understand why you feel lonely all the time it makes it even worse. Maybe I am clinically depressed. :( I hope not. I don't want to be a freak with mental problems. My mind is all I have left anymore of my body. I can't lose it too. I don't want to be sad Jj. I don't want to be sad. :'(
I think I sometimes get sad too, because you guys can't be my real sisters. That's something I will never get to have. You guys can't love me like you do your real siblings. Panda will never love me nearly as much as she loves Ben and she will tell you that, because that's just how it is. Ben is her favorite person. And I'm sure Becky is on your list. You will never be able to love me like you love her, because she's your blood sister. Sometimes Jj, I just get jealous because I will never have that love like your siblings do. I have no one to love me like that. They’re so lucky they get people like you guys to love them and care so much about them. I won’t ever get to be someone’s favorite person to be with. It’s just me and Mr. Piggy and Shoo-Shoo. And Shoo-Shoo hates me because I always forget to give her water. I would give anything to be loved like that by somebody and just to know that I’m someone’s favorite person. But I can’t, because I don’t have any real siblings like you guys do. It’s hard not feel bad sometimes, that it’s not fair, because you guys are so cool and they’re so lucky. Yeah, I’m sure you can get annoying at times, but they don’t know what it’s like not to have anyone.
Dear heart, the oldest of my little sisters certainly does know what it's like to not have anyone. ESPECIALLY when it comes to having the love and support of an older sister. I'm sure she would tell you the same thing. Family does not always mean close bonds. Unfortunately.
By the same token, I've spent large amounts of time with individuals and groups of people in the past three weeks. And I've felt very loney for much of that same time period. I can be spending time with my best friend and still feel lonely. Why is that? There may be multiple little reasons, but I think there's one main cause: None of these people will ever "know" me. Not to the fullest extent. And besides, every single one of those people are also struggling to be known...so the needs unintentionally compete with each other...and we all fins ourselves feeling somewhat isolated and un-known in the end. That's just the nature of this broken world, dear heart.
Does this mean I shouldn't try to share and understand? Not at all. But it does mean I'll still face loneliness. Siblings cannot erase that; best friends cannot erase that; a husband cannot erase that.
But Jesus can, and does erase that loneliness. I'm sure you've noticed that I occasionally post love songs, or songs about missing someone, and dedicate them to the Lord. This is what I've learned to do. It's not a cop out: I take my loneliness back to Jesus. Because I've come to the realization that He's really what I crave. He's the end of all loneliness. He "knows" me--more fully than I know my own skin.
Maybe your sister does know what it's like. But in the end there is something there that can be fixed. I broken relationship with a sibling is still more than a good relationship with someone who isn't blood related. No, siblings can't erase it all. The lonely comments were different than the sibling comments. That wasn't a slam against your sister either. Your sister may have lived most of her years without a close sister, but she still had one and now that things are mending she can have a real one. I can't. There is nothing there to mend or even get fixed to where I COULD have one. That's why I say you guys should cuont yourselves lucky. A possibility is better than none. No, no one can know you better than God. But siblings CAN know each other better than any other groups of people, right under married couples. They CAN have a love for each other more than any other group of people, right under married couples. AS long as we live on this earth and there is broken communication between us and God because of the fall, HE is not a cure all. He IS the cure, but he won't cure everything. Growing closer to God is a slow process, it's not something that you can just go to God and have your problems all fixed. It takes time. God isn't going to fix me all in one shot. I can't just go to God and say "Hey I'm lonely" and He's going to say okay and wipe it all away. So, what do I do? I tell God my trouble. I expect that as I grow closer to Him and we walk farther down the road He will help me. I dream for what I wish I had. I hope for the future, in Heaven, when I can finally have it. What you wrote sounds like there isn't any hope Jj. People might as well not love each other, because they can't help anything. You know, whether you realize it or not, you guys are lucky. Apart from marriage, being a sibling to someone is about the luckiest thing to be. That means there is at least hope that someone will love you that much and there is hope that you might even be a favorite in someone's eyes. There's hope, because there's a chance. When you have no one at all, there is no chance of having that, because it is physically just not possible. There is something between blood that just makes it different. Whether it's just in your genes or just because you've been through the same family, I don't know. But you do have something I will never have. No matter how black you paint it, it's still a gift, Jj. And until you don't that gift and realize the hope that comes with it, you won't understand. =/
It's true, perhaps I don't understand. But look again at what you just said, Imoutochan: you spoke of blood relative love being a close second to the love of a husband and wife. These would be two people given as gifts to each other by God, correct? Can you or I really say that a loving God who gives such gifts in marriage cannot bring other people into our lives as gifts in other roles?
^_^ Personally, I believe He can, and does.
And you're correct, Imoutochan, that taking our loneliness to Jesus is a long, slow process. He doesn't sing a magic song and *poof* make our loneliness go away. But as we keep bringing the emptiness to Him, and asking why it exists and what He wants to teach us through it, He does slowly bring fulfillment. And the relationship grows so mch deeper and stronger, dear heart. ^_^
Once again, I'm very proud of you for acknowledging and grappling with these painful topics. And thank you so much for sharing with me. *-*
He may give you gifts, but do they amount to the same thing? Take Panda for example: She loves her brother more than anyone. Her brother is her favorite person. They do not have a deep relationship founded in God and share deep insights on a regular basis, but yet they are very close. So, deductions can be made that something within blood holds precidence over who or what is not blood. I know I will never compare to her brother, even though God has given her to me. She will never love me like she does her brother and I will never rate in her life like her brother. Jj, I don't even come close to rating like you do. So, God gave her as a gift, but is it the same thing as being her real sister? No. It will never be close. So, sometimes God does give us the gift of people to help us. But I beleive you have to be born into the role of having a true sibling relationship or it just doesn't work. You can't be loved in the same capicity.
You're right, my friend. A voluntary relationship is usually not the same as birth siblings. In fact, the former is usually better than the latter. ^_^
I hate nightmares. I hate life. And I hate speanding evenings alone in an empty house.
:( I'm sorry, dear heart. Turn on worship music and focus on praising the One who never leaves you alone. I'm praying for you tonight, my friend. You are loved and protected; do not fear. <3 Jj
All right, my friend. It seems that I have misunderstood. So first of all, please forgive me if I sounded officious or annoyed or self-righteous. I'm sorry. I fail at this communication thing quite often. I meant my words only as encouragement and comfort. :( As I said, please forgive me for the limitations of electronic communication.
I just wanna hug Jj. I've been extra mournful today. :( I need a big Jj hug. That would make me feel better.
^_^ Jesus is right there with you, Imoutochan. Rest in His arms tonight. <3 Jj
www.youtube.com/watch?v=LH54lMB6WPk
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRQruZ_oX-8
^_^ <3 Jj
www.myspace.com/talandacacia (look up "Yahweh")
I heard that one just the other day on the radio.
Have a good day Jj. :D
*comes in dragging new dinosour blankie in one hand and a bunny in the other* I think I need to go to bed now. *very sleepy exhausted face* (<-- more than normal (like the kind where you are so tired you feel sick and can barely stay awake)) Night Jj. Love you.
Goodnight, Imoutochan. I'm praying for you tonight. <3 Jj
I didn't sleep but 40 minutes, because my throat hurt so bad. O.o I can barely swollow. :(
How are you?
Why does your throat hurt so badly?
I'm doing well. My tea is ready, so I'm off to have my morning date with Jesus. I need to ask Him how He'd like me to finish that latest blog post before I come back to the computer and work on it. ^_^
I'll make sure to spend some of my time with Him praying for you. See you after a while, my friend! <3 Jj
I want some tea. :( It's cause I'm just.. sick. Like the normal kind of sick. Which I guess was why I was so tired yesterday. Me and panda decided yesterday that I must have been getting sick. ...We were right. :(
I hate being sick. It always makes me hurt extremely bad all over. :'( I would rather have a horrible day physically than end up sick; it's so much worse.
I'm sorry you feel yucky. :( Maybe you could try taking a nap? And you should make some tea.
I tried. It worked until dad called me on the phone to see if his phone worked. And, I don't think I can keep anytihng down. >.<
^_^ How are you and Jesus doing, my friend?
Okay. It's more difficult to hang out much with me so sick. =/
Yeah. I know how that goes. Even if you can't participate in an active conversation, you can always praise along with worship music. ^_^ I'm praying for you, dear heart.
^_^ Calm down. That verse is the Lord speaking. It's His response to the Psalmist's words:
"You are a hiding-place for me,
you will keep me from distress;
you will surround me
with songs of deliverance."
Just rest in the Lord's reassurance, dear heart. <3 Jj
:)
TV is off. I couldn't see the ending because the channel froze anyway. :P
What do you normally eat when you have the flu?
Split pea soup. And tea.
I like tea...
You should try to take a nap. <3
No wonder I was so tired yesterday... *sleepy face*
Nice timing. :P I walked into that one. >.o
I have to eat something first. It's my sugar crashing really bad. O.O
Okay. Drink/eat something. Then lay down with some worship music playing, and try to sleep.
I am going to my grandparent's. Please pray for my dad. 9_9 He came in was all mad at me because I don't have my real clothes on and I hadn't done the dishes. Grr... w00t for "character building"! -_-
I'm praying for you, as well as your parents. Keep pressing in, and allowing the Lord to "build character" in you--specifically crafting you as a woman of love, grace, and quiet strength. <3 Jj
(And He *is* bringing about those qualities in you. So don't even attempt to discount them. ^_^)
On the way my dad said he was sorry for griping at me, that it had just been one of those days. I.. just got done throwing up and am now taking myself and my migraine to bed.
Regarding the former, that's good to hear. As to the latter, I'm sorry. Hopefully you'll be able to sleep. I'm praying for you, Imoutochan.
I'm feeling better than I was yesterday. *shrugs* I'm tired and my throat is sore at the moment, is the main thing. I'm kinda dizzy. But the constant feeling of throwing up went away. :)
Doing pretty well. Attempting mix up pie crust dough (by hand) which contains real butter. (So I'm being very careful about contamination)
*yawn* *very sleepy eyes* I think it's nap time Jj.
By the way, in case you wanted to know I turned in my housing form today. I'm pretty much at peace for wherever I end up. I don't know why. *shrugs* God is good. I'll be where he wants me as long as I'm seeking him. I know things will work themselves out no matter which college I go to. Today really is the first day I haven't been worried about college at all. And Panda promised to email me yesterday and didn't. But I know that she's okay and something just came up. I'm not upset or sad or anything. :) I mean, I wish I knew for sure she was safe and all that, but it's okay because I know God has her. I haven't been able to spend a lot of time with God this weekend, but I read the first 2 chapters in Galations today. I will probably read a little more tonight. We haven't really talked either. I asked him to show up in my reading time, but that was it. =/ If you was here I don't know that I could hold a very good conversation! :P It has to be like typed up and specific in order for me to really communicate when I'm this sick. But, I guess God showed up anyway and sat with me, even if we didn't talk. *-* It looks like I'll be able to play Tuesday though. :D I just might be a little sluggish.
I'm sure Jesus joined you for your quiet time yesterday; just as I'm sure He's spending time with you today too. ^_^ And I'm very proud of you for trusting--in all of those areas. *-* Atta girl! Keep up the good work; keep pressing in...and get some rest. <3
But I didn't read my Bible or anything yesterday... Do you think Jesus still joined me?
Yay for kitties. :)
If I understood you correctly, you *wanted* to meet with the Lord, yes? Then He met with you. ^_^ It's not like you can escape from Him, dear heart. He loves you rather jealously.
I see. :)
Are you proud of me, I'm not worried about nothing right now! :D And Sparky hasn't gotten me all weekend. ^_^
Yes. I'm very proud of you. And thanking the Lord, too. *-*
*head pat* You should try taking a nap now. <3
I can hardly keep my eyes opened Jj... O.o ... -.- zzzZZZ
Didn't this happen just recently?
You and your timing.. *shakes head*
I'll talk to you later, huh? <3
^_^ Sleep well, Imoutochan.
*rolls over with germied stuffed animals* *goes to sleep* (Hopefully...)
My nap is done. :)
^_^ Good job!
How are you feeling?
Mmm.. the same. :P
Okay. :/
"I know, Adonai, that your rulings are righteous,
that even when you humble me you are faithful.
Let your grace comfort me,
in keeping with your promise to your servant.
Show me pity, and I will live,
for your Torah is my delight."
~Psalm 119:75-77
"Today I went to get my shot and sat back in the room while I waited to get clearance to go and read Galations. So, as I was reading verses were sticking out in answer to the question I had about Jews and Gentiles, which is really just feeling second rate. But I had forgotten the verse in Galations talking about how there is neither Jew nor Greek in Christ. Also there was one that was something along the lines of "we were used so that God may have the gentiles back." Or something like that, which you mentioned that Jews could just be looked at as a tool too. So, maybe no one is just used as a tool, but God was concerned for getting everyone back (which, I know is the truth anyway, but still..). So, God is still answering my question even though I haven't struggled with this one for a while. Last week I asked Mr. Miner in Bible class about since we were on the subject and what he said helped. (He talked about how a fathe's love multiplies and not divides, which is what I've been missing I think. And also I never did know the parralell of the prodagal son as the gentiles and the older brother as the jews. Don't ask, I have no idea how I didn't know that, but I didn't. That image helped me a lot too.) Then we have the week before where out of the blue I had been thinking about that question (which I had already had for a week or two) right before I read Romans. Then God specifically picked out verses to show me, like the one that directly states: "God has no favorites." So, I knew God specifically brought that question to mind before I even started reading, so that I could catch the answers. So, I still wasn't convinced and I googled something like "Jews favored chosen ones" or something, expecting to find support for my argument. Instead I could find none and on the contrary what I read brought me to Acts where Peter is at a gentiles house and God had given the gentile a vision. Then Peter exclaims: "I now know that God has no favorites." So, I've been pretty content over the last week at least, but God is still giving me answers. And then this weekend's peace he gave me, which I haven't had for a very long time and then a good chapel (the pastor from Anderson gave his testamony - which Lindsey said she has heard so maybe you have). Then Audrey was crying at the end of chapel and said her step-dad went in today/yesterday to get his blood count checked from his cancer in preparation for his surgery tomorrow and the doctor said he was healed and that he didn't need the surgery. This was right after the chapel speaker was talking about falling from a 5 story building and being completely healed within 9 days. Quite the concidence huh? So, all in all, a very God filled day. :) I even strived very hard to give my worries about my friend over to Him. There was not much else to do though I guess after that's all I thought about through practice. :P But I didn't do too bad. :) God is good. And I know He will not cease to continually blow me away, even though sometimes I might fear him stopping. ;)"
Mom is doing all the financial stuff for the church at the moment so we went over there and I shoveled for them while they worked. Then we went to Meijer and Josh and my grandpa was there so he came over for the day. O.o Soooo... awkward! :P Ugh.. but oh well. So, we'll probably play some games. Oh man... today my friend Titus was killed. :'( He was my age and when we went to New Orleans we talked a lot and hung out. He had a crush on me. Anyway.. he was driving and was hit by a train. He had head trauma and died today. I can't even imagine...
Wow! That sounds like quite a day or two! ^_^ Yay, God! It's wonderful to hear how He has been blessing you, and great to know that you are seeing evidences of His power and provision. The Lord is good.
I'm very sorry about your friend, Imoutochan. I'm praying for you and your family, as well as this young man's family. If you survive potentially-awkward games, Id love to hear how you're feeling right now. In the meantime, I hope you've managed to sleep. <3 Jj
What was wrong with what I wrote Jj?
I would love for you to re-post any thoughts you have, Imoutochan. But regarding your comments last night, you were very tired (and said as much yourself), and at least one sentence seemed--to me--compromising to anonymity. So please forgive me if I hurt your feelings; I wasn't sure of a better way to be considerate at that moment. Does that make any sense?
As I said, please, by all means, feel free to re-answer the question of what you're feeling and thinking right now. <3 Jj
No, that's okay. I don't need to. I was just answering it for you not me.
Okay. ^_^
How are you doing today?
Today was a bad day. I have a bad migraine. :(
I'm sorry. How are you doing emotionally and spiritually? How can I pray with you right now, my friend?
Everyone thinks I'm a bad person and I don't want to talk to God anymore right now. He's probably mad at me too.
Why do you think that? And are you making the assumption that I consider you a bad person, Imoutochan?
my parents yelled from the other room and asked me if i was on te computer and i said no. :'( im too scared sis. im too scared. i am a bad kid. but i dont regret it. what they took from me was wrong. and they speak lies evry day, its not fair.
If you need to get off the computer to be honest with your parents, Imoutochan, please do that. I know it can be so incredibly hard; but lying won't help anything. :/
I got off the computer 30 minutes ago.
or 45 now.
Imoutochan, what do you fear right now?
I fear that they're right. That God is angry with me and he really isn't pleased with me. :'( I fear losing you guys too.
Imoutochan, I'm going to ask you a question; and I want you to answer from the Truth, not from the guilt.
Did God send His Son to die for *you*?
Yes.
And did He die for me?
I'm a sinful human being just like you, dear heart. So now the biggest question is:
Does God love me? And does He love you?
That doesn't mean he isn't angry with us! Or that he is disappointed. Or that we aren't bad people! I'm horrible according to my parents! :'(
No, it doesn't mean we don't fail. But Are We Forgiven?
Dear heart, do you know the big difference between conviction and shame? Conviction is from the Holy Spirit; the purpose of conviction is to draw us nearer to the Lord--to break, reshape, and heal. Guilt/shame is a tool of the enemy...and seeks to divide us from the Lord.
This strong anxiety you have right now, is it causing you to lean more heavily upon Jesus? Or is it asking you to believe that you are unforgivable--beyond the absolute, unshakeable redemption and healing of the Most High God?
^_^
*sniff and snuffs*
Jj, why do I have to feel so sick and my head hurt so bad? :'(
Imoutochan, I'm praying for you. All I can say--because I *know* it is true--is that you are purchased, loved, and protected by the Almighty God. Keep trusting, dear heart; keep pressing in. ^_^ I'm praying for you tonight, my friend. I don't have the answers, but the One who does is right there with you. Always. <3 Jj
Mmm... love you! :)
*jumping on bed* Have..a..good..weekend..Jj! ^_^
*-* And the same right back to you, my friend!
I'm praying for you tonight. <3 Jj
Thanks. :) You're good at that.
^_^ Well, thank you for the sweet, undeserved compliment. Rest before the the Lord tonight, dear heart.
I am captive spectator to the world beyond my window: all blue-glowing. Ruins of columned trees stand sentinel midst a fog of ancient breath, still clinging, still speaking, now and then to lift and curl on the wind with a sigh of longing long held. Everywhere the blue corporeal glow of crystalline, changeful, ancient stuff. And above, long daggers of frozen tears...watching.
O.o Can I have some of your writing skills?
You're sweet. ^_^ But I really don't have skillz--just jumbled thoughts.
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