How are you doing, dear reader? What is the Lord talking to you about right now?
He's certainly been addressing some very difficult and, in some cases, painful subjects with me these past few weeks. But I'm so glad that we serve a Lord who doesn't pull any punches...even though the direct hits really smart!
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I don't know. What can I say? Can I ask how you are?
Sure you can. *-* Is there anything specific?
Oh. I don't know. Like always. How are you? How's work?
Mom said I'm fuzzy today. So if I get fuzzier for you I'm sorry. I try really hard not to, but I can't help it. :(
I'm doing pretty well. Work is...useful. It's not where I would really like to be; which means I have an excellent opportunity to practice resting in the Lord's timing. It's pretty painful on my hand, though. And unlike my best friend, who leaves work needing a mental break, I leave work craving mental stimulation. ^_^ The results can be interesting sometimes.
Aside from work, the Lord is still causing me to examine some pretty deep-seated fears and pain. I'm so grateful! (And I'm definitely cashing in that hug you owe me. Got it?)
Ookay. I haave to ogo to beedimt noow. My bbbig sissy ssaid soo. So Iiiahave to noow. Bbbye
Goodnight, Imoutochan.
I'm praying for you. Hang in there.
By the way, Imoutochan, I'm praying for your doctor's appointment tomorrow. Hang in there! Keep resting in the Lord.
Concrete answers--"answers" in our human terms--would be wonderful.
But whether you receive "answers" or Answers, I'll be here. <3
I know they can help me. I know I can get over this. I know I can have a better year than last. I know I won't be spending day after day with a fever or feeling sick all the time. I know it. And I think tomorrow is gonna help. I think these shots will help. They're finishing off the last 60 allergen tests and running blood tests and checking for asthma. Something will come about. I know it. I just know it. It will. You'll see. Mom and dad said no more episodes at school. I won't. I won't deal with that all over again. They can help me. I know it. I'm not crazy. I'm not. And my furry friend is moving his butt out of my life for the last time. He will not make me worse. He will not make me faulter. He will not sin. He will not win. I'm not psychotic. I don't need a psychiatrist. I'm not crazy. I'm God's and I can win. This battle is mine.
*make me sin
My visions better this evening.
Atta girl! ^_^ I'm very proud of you.
Okay. I'm set for bedtime now. :D (I'm about to fall asleep sitting up. - It was really quite a long day actually. O.o) I love you lots and lots! Hear from you tomorrow. ;)
Battling lies is hard--it's draining. I hope you're able to sleep tonight, dear heart. I'm praying for you.
<3 Jj
Okay, I want my report. Were you a good chinchillla today? :D
^_^
Nope.
You know, you can't make my nose make noises from that side of the screen. ^_^ Success!
Wanna bet? ^_^
<3
... no
Aww, that's no fun... ^_~
What topics are you and the Lord discussing these days?
We are discussing... where to go from here. One battle is over, which had to be one of the happiest days of my life. But preparation for the next battle has begun and I'm not sure how to go about it or where to start. We've dealt with a lot of my crud inside and now that it's slowed down I'm wondering "Okay... there is surely more in there. Are you gonna show it to me God? What do I do now? Is there more I’m not seeing? What’s next? Come on let’s go! I’ve had my 3 day break now let’s get on it! I want to grow, but I still feel like we’re standing still. I need a revelation here. What do I do?! When? How? Where?” So, a lot of questions of what needs to be worked on next and where to go from here.
A good friend of mine gave me the story of the demons who we’re exercised out of the house for an example. They went and roamed the country side for a while and came back. Although the house was cleaned on the inside, the house was still empty. So they inhabited it again, only this time it was far worse. So he challenged me to fill the holes and I’m not exactly sure what that looks like. Truth drives out lies and darkness. So I’m guessing that; I just wish these things were more clear. So, figuring out how to “fill the holes” so when the battle starts up again, I’m not found empty.
For one thing, I'm so happy about the outcome of your battle! Yay!
As for moving forward, your friend gave you some excellent advise. So I'll just add to it: Don't be anxious. The Lord will show you where and how He's wanting to work at exactly the right time. Until He lets you know, don't be anxious. Anxiety becomes fear, and fear offers an excellent breeding ground--an "empty house" as it were.
One big difference between your circumstances and that biblical example lies in the attitude. You are seeking the Lord, Imoutochan. You *want* to be filled. That is a HUGE difference from "Okay, whew, that's over; now back to my normal life." I know you're pressing in toward the One who loves you best and protects you always. And that is your job. Filling in holes is His job. So make sure you are standing secure in the knowledge of His promises and protection. Everything you've experienced has made you stronger as a believer: even if that old battle starts up again, you will recognize it sooner and withstand it better. Stand on that. I'm proud of you!
(If there's anything else on this topic you'd like to discuss, I'd be happy to continue when I return from work this evening.)
I feel like if I'm not trying to figure it out and move forward though that I'm just being idle and not doing my part.
(I probably won't be able to be "on" until around 10 this evening, unless I drive seperate - which I might do so I'm home around 830-9)
Umm... (I'm home)
It looks like I missed you--since I just returned a short while ago. I'll try to touch base with you some time soon.
To the sweet friend who prayed for/with me earlier this evening, I jut want to say: "Blast it, sugar, you made me cry! *-* Thank you so much. I'm praying for you also."
*-* :D
Don't worry, Imoutochan: you don't have to "figure" anything out. That's the Lord's job.
Okay...
Whatcha thinkin'?
Nothing.
Is there anything you'd like to ask or discuss?
(By the way, I hear there's a good soccer game happening on Tuesday...)
How are you?
I won't be there. I have to go Ft. Wayne. But you and Mary and the Panda have fun.
Aww..sad day... Well, some other time then. I think there's still a hug debt owed. ^_~
I'm doing pretty well. I worked this afternoon and evening...spent some time praising the Lord in song as I fulfilled my duties. It's all good.
Mm.. Is it really all good? Or was today really a better day?
Yes, today really was a better day. There are several friends who know of my work situation and hold me accountable to keep a positive outlook. I'm so grateful for that support. Moreover, one particular friend prayed with me twice on Saturday. They were beautiful, encouraging prayers, and made a big difference. (Thank you, Abba for such friends!) *-*
I'm glad.
Have you read anything fun or thought-provoking lately? (scripture, homework, other)
(By the way, thanks once again for chatting with me! <3)
Sorry I'm boring tonight though. I've got a lot running through my mind.
Mm.. no not really. Besides fun conversations about Jonathan Edwards and the church today.
What's going through your mind, my friend?
(Even if it's not topicrelated enough to leave on this strand, I'd really love to know.)
Nothing of importance, just your normal stuff... you know. Just trying to figure some stuff out. You know, why certain things feel certain ways when other times it doesn't. And what the underyling issue is. Just normal stuff.
How about you?
How about if you elaborate on that set of thoughts for me? (here or elsewhere)
Then I'll share. Okay?
Okay, I feel better now.
<3 Praying for you!
Thank you :D
Imoutochan figured out what the MDs with their fancy PHDs and couldn't! :D I can't beleive they didn't figure this out honestly. The one was right. Look up Fibromayalgia on webmd. It's a cousin to RSD, very very similar. And the only medication that worked last spring for me was Lyrica. Lyrica is the main drug they use to treat Fibromayalgia. :)Imoutochan's got's some smarts. ^_^
Well, the veracity of that last sentence was never really in question. ^_~ Hmm, interesting... Have you shared this new theory yet? What sort of rsponse did you receive?
Yeah I did. It's pretty much accepted as final/that's what it is. I mean, it fits perfectly, not to mention anymore it's fairly common. So it wouldn't be really weird for me to have it. What isn't explained by that is explained by asthma and allergies.
Will you be around tonight?
Cool! So what happens next? Informing the doctors...?
Oh, by the way, I'm around. ^_~
Pretty much... :P It really depends on if we want to go back on Lyrica. My parents want to try some natural stuff first... which I don't think works nearly as well, but filling yourself full of drugs isn't good for you either.
How are you? What did you do today?
My advisor in college, a woman I really admire in many ways, has dealt with fibromayalgia for several years now. She's tried all the prescription drugs, and many other things I'm sure. But she found one over-the-counter medication that has been more helpful and effective than enything else. I believe it was Mucinex. (Let me double-check the name before you take it as hard-fast truth.) I can talk to her for you, if you have particular questions at this point. For that matter, I cmight be able to put you in contact with her (if she's interested). Her fibromayalgia is triggered in large part by carbs. I know another lady with fibromayalgia who finds dairy products trigger her symptoms. Go figure...
I'm doing well. I think I mus be tired, since I spelled "enything" with an e... Wow. I worked today; nothin' very exciting. I also made a "quick" detour down south to visit my mommy. *-* Hugs is lovely.
Mines hereditary. Mr grandmother has it and the succeptability can be in your genes. Your genes are "mutated." When I rolled the go-cart it triggered it. Basically the same as the RSD.
Yay for hugs! I got one today. ^_^
O_O YOU HUGGED MY MOM???
You know me. I have telepathic hugging abilites. ^_^
Yeah, my advisor's is hereditary, too. Hers initally flared up during the stress of academic doctoral exams.
And yeah, Mucinex is a decongestant. Like I said, let me double-check to make sure I'm giving you the correct name. But one of the main issues of fibromayaglia is inflamation. Whichever OTC drug she found helpful was one that cuts way down on fluid pressure. Does that make any sense?
Well...keep your telepatheic arms off my mommy!
(Just kidding.^_^ I'm sure she'd love to know she's being sent a hug.)
Frankly, I would rather have RSD... The only people I can think of that have Fibro are really whiny and wollowing in self-pity. Then I'm wondering what people must think of people who have it. Then I'm annoyed because I'm thinking: "Oh my word! Would you shut up and quit complaining." And then I'm thinking people really must think it's not really a big deal because so many people have it. (which I know like one person, apart from grandmother who I found out a day ago had 9_9 Yes, our family doesn't talk much)
Yeah, that does make sense. Lyrica seemed to help some, at least for a while. Can your friend feel herself? O.o
Umm... Okay... that sounded creepy. I will keep my telepathic arms to myself. *gives a fearful look*
*the panda says, "sure."
Thank you.
And I AM NOT saying anything about your friend. I just tend to sterio-type since the people I've known that's had that are constantly in self-pity mode telling everyone their life is horrible. So then I'm wondering: Does everyone else have the same view on Fibro and the people that have it? Like it's not a big deal and people complain too much about it? (I'm not saying I think it's not a big deal - I could see other people thinking that not having dealt with it themselves)
First of all, you don't *have* to be whiny or locked in self-pity. My professor certainly doesn't fit that description; and I know you are better than that.
Second of all, regardless of how well-publicized or well-understood a medical condition is (and I don't think either is true of fibromayalgia--at least not to the extent you think) you will alwaysencounter people who make light of it. Papercuts or brain cancer: I guarantee you there are individuals who could make the first seem like an epic struggle and the second seem like a summer picnic. It's just one more lovely characteristic of human beings. So you won't be dealing with those reactions any more or less than if you were physically fit. (And yes, that's a slight exaggeration, but you get the point.)
I mean, I know you're right. And I know not all people are like that. I just wondered what people normally view this as. I mean what do you make of it honestly?
Do you think I'm whiny?
And has your friend ever went numb?
Well, I don't suppose I qualify as "normal" exactly...
I imagine the general public would make light of it. And that's sad. Because extended periods of pain, no matter how minor the pain, are incredibly draining. And I gather that the pain of fibromayalgia is not exactly minor. But here again, just like RSD there's not really a visible indicator...and to a certain extent the person can appear to be functioning normally. People, as a general rule, are not very good about empathizing with each other. In fact, we pretty much suck at it.
I honestly don't remember whether or not my professor deals with/has dealt with numbness. I'll ask her.
And no, I don't thin you're whiny.
So, if people with FM have a hard time with random enviromental stressors could it be actually FM that's making allergies worse or the opposite way around? I know allergies are causing asthma, but not sure about the other.
I know allergins tend to trigger flare-ups for my friend. As far as which comes first, the chicken or the egg...I dunno.
"People with FM must avoid impact loading exertion, such as basketball..."
Ha! Forget that!
I guess that's your choice. Just know that those who love you will seek to hold you accountable on the not-whining and not-pityin-self if you choose to do something you know will increase pain.
Okay. Did I whine a lot last year during basketball season? Be honest!
-_- Thank you.
No. But I wasn't referring to last year; just making sure everyone is clear on the future.
So you think I'm going to be whiny now? Okay, I need you to try to understand this. This is my last year of ever playing basketball. I'm not even planning on doing intermural for fun in college. This is it. I'm 17. This is my senior year. I'm not letting this ruin my last year and my fun. Even though I was in pain last season I sucked it up and still had fun. What makes you think this year will be any different?
Imoutochan, I never meant to imply that I expect you will be someone other than yourself. I'm sure that means playing basketball. I would be surprised if it involved complaints. I guess that statement was mosty intended to offer support, constancy and consistency on behalf of your friends. I expect that they will be themselves, too.
*I apologize for poor wording. My hot cocoa IV ran out a couple of hours ago...sleepytime is encroaching.
Okay. I can promise you I will never say another word about it. We know what it is. I am fine. End of story.
*My bedtime was a couple of hours ago... does that count? [No, I wasn't told. But I'm expected to not only be going to bed early, but be off school. :P]
:'( I think I've miscommunicated somewhere along the line...
No, but I should stop mentioning anything anyway. No one wants to hear that I have a migrain and feel like I'm going to pass out. I mean, who wants to hear about all your ailments all the time? Seriously? So, frankly I need to shut up more anyway and then I also run less of a chance of being whiny.
That's your decision. There is a distinction between "not saying anything" and "not telling every single soul you meet." I believe you already grasp the distinction. So as long as you're choosing to say less with the proper attitude (seeking the Lord's direction) and as long as you're still being very forthright with those closest to you (because we all need that) then it sounds fine.
*I'd still love to make sure we're on the same page sometime in the near future--preferably in person.
But the "people close to you" may be the very ones that need a break! *cough cough*
My recommendation would be that you let your friends make that decision for themselves.
Daijoubu. <3
I think I probably need to go soon. The crickets and cicadas...my pillow...my stuffed animals...they're all calling my name.
But what if your friends are too nice to say that! *cough cough* *accusing glance in multiple directions towards Van Buskirk Rd.*
Aaannd... If I don't go to bed really soon I am going to pass out. Literally. :P And you need the sleep too, I know.
I'm not sure where that is, but it's a rather fun name for a road. Doesn't quite sound like a name you'd find in a magical forest, though.
Go To Bed! -_-
...But I wanted to talk to Jj! :'( And I did. :) Sorry I kept you up though. :(
*-*
Talk to you soon. Goodnight.
I will grab an ice pack for my fever and work on my final until I pass out. (I need to get this done! I've missed a ton of class and Panda deserves my effort!)
Goodnight Jj! <3
*mumble* That's so mean. *muttergrumble* Taking pleasure from other people's misery... *pretend glare*
They weren't happy tears? So what your saying is Ruth is horribly mean since she makes you cry a lot...
It wasn't Ruth's fault.
Who's fault was it?? I though tyou said Ruth always makes you cry...
No. It was my mood and various lies I find myself battling today (not discussing that). I spent time with a good friend--someone with whom I share--and just found myself a little lacking in self-control today. (Then I visited my best friend and another good friend afterwards...and still came up short on the self-control supply.)
*sigh* Okay.
Well... crying isn't wrong you know and I'm pretty sure it wasn't bothering anyone in the pestering sense. You're fine by me honey.
Thanks. (gotta go)
Okay... see yah.
I've got a strange feeling about this...
...? A strange feeling about what?
You didn't come! :'( I had to sit all by myself! I was all alone!
I'm sorry. I'll explain sometime.
How are you doing?
That's okay, Mary explained.
It'd be kind of stupid to drive that far just to sit in the drizzle and cold. They got slaughtered, so it wouldn't have been a super fun game to watch anyway.
I'm fine. I've got to go to my cousins 1st birthday in about an hour and a half or so and then finish an art project tonight while waiting to see if anything interesting happens online... the usual drill. I would ask you how you are, but you might not want to say. So, I'll leave the question out there if you decide you want to give an answer. If not, whatever. I'm glad you and Panda had fun yesterday. Hopefully you will find somthing just as entertaining today.
It's been a My Chemical Romance kind of day.
You had better sleep in this morning! You are getting home way too late! It was past your bedtime!! -_-
Umm...what's My Chemical Romance?
*-* Yes, I slept in (until 6:30). It was a noon-midnight work day.
Imoutochan, I'm praying for you and all those involved right now. Please keep me posted.
Never mind. Forget it. ;)
Yay!
Yeah... I'll probably go wake dad up before too long.
My grandma wasn't even going to call my Aunt, but mom convinced her to after we had been at the emergency room for a good hour at least. 9_9 My family is nuts. Then she just left a message and when she called her again after 25 minutes my Aunt of coarse was freaking out. (She answered this time) We pointed out that if she had called her in the first place...
Aww, that's so sad! Hopefully everyone gets on the same page soon.
Get some sleep, you. -_- Got it? <3
Okay... I have to get dad up soon. Sleep is no where on the agenda. I have to drive to Indy in like an hour. And I'm sure I'll be there all day and home really really late. [I went on to other things this morning - I figured you wouldn't be on] I'm gonna take my laptop - the hospital has wifi, but I'm sure you guys will be busy by then with whatever you do on Sundays. Is Panda even up yet?
It was a nice wish in my head, at least. *hug* Hang in there, friend. It looks like I'll be up in your neck of the woods all day. There's a chance I'll be checking in at some point; but as far as updates, the method you utilized earlier this morning will probably work best. (And no, Panda has not yet joined the land of the semi-conscious.)
Going to church with Mary?
No, but I will probably see her there. Any messages you want passed along?
No! None... at all. You have fun hanging out.
So I'll see you in a couple of days, then.
Depends on when a couple of days is. Have a fun day Jj.
I'll try to do that. Hang in there, Imoutochan. I pray that the Lord mei make his presence felt by all involved today. And mei He show you something precious about His love for you. <3
Why are you trying? It's automatic on these days.
Mmm... okay. Thanks.
Dedecting the closure I will say goodbye. Go vanquish those cheerios!
And no, I did detect the closure 30 minutes ago. I'm not totally zapped in the brain.
Cheerios have been summarily vanquished! ^_^ Thanks for the support.
I'm not sure what you mean by "detecting closure," but then again, tone can sometimes be misinterpreted online.
Well, I'm resting in the joy of the Lord today; but having fun can still be a challenge--no matter how relaxed a day appears on the surface. Internal battles continue even on sunny days.
I'm praying for you, Imoutochan. <3
I love you Jj. <3
*-*
Thanks, dear heart. Right back atcha.
:D ... Are you sure about that?
Nope, I'm totally lying. ^_~ Of course, I'm sure!
So do you think you might be easy to locate on Tuesday?
Uhh... yes.
^_^ Cool.
Uh... actually it's kinda up in the air right now. Hopefully I can wiggle my way out. ;) I'll ask dad again tonight when he gets his shower and feels better and all that. Hopefully he's convinced enough that I'll feel better enough tomorrow to go. They sent me home from school. (Well... I had a hand in the decision. This weekend rather killed me.) Some food got rid of my migrain and maybe if I get some sleep... O.o Panda said I had to try to take a nap. :/ I need to work not nap!
Ridiculously bizarre concept: Most people work better with a little sleep under their belts. (I know, isn't that weird!) ^_~
But... but, that takes up time!
Aww... you went away. :(
Yes, it takes time. But the time spent in sleep allows for a quicker, more productive study time later.
(The time has come to wash dishes and make meatloaf.)
Mmmm... maybe. It also makes your hair greasy. Mom gets off'a'work at 5 and then I'm sure we'll have to go somewhere. -.-
(Ugh... food. :P I had some of that today...)
-_- Take a nap, Imoutochan.
*makes a kitty cat high pitched yelp* Okay... I don't want hit tomorrow... just a hug. :D Or two... Or three. :)
O_O Kitty cats...can yelp? *laughing*
Get some rest, get approval, and we'll see what we can do. ^_^
... *feels very small* I thought they could... *makes a human whiny noise*
Either way I could still a have a hug after school though right? O.O ... *bottom lip starts to quiver*
(Yes I know, I'm shutting up)
^_^
Please see previous comment. <3
There. An hour.
Atta-girl! I knew you could do it. ^_^
(And just for the record, I wasn't laughing "at" you for the kitty cat sound effect. I just thought it was cute. <3)
It was hard! I battled my way to the bed through all kinds of tough thoughts of "Go back! Noooo stop, you need to work! Aaahhh..." *tone disipates into silence* But I trugged on and about froze to death because I wouldn't get up and get another blankie. But I was determined that if I was going to waste time I was going to do it right. Not even the fact that my room smells like syrup stopped me! (my candle :P Eyyy...which I'm still not sure about)
(I know ;) )
o.O
O.o
They make syrup-scented candles?
Mmm... No. I don't remember what it's called. It's some kind of fall scent. Not sure. Mom got it. Yeah... no I wouldn't get a syrup scented candle.
Got it.
How's the academic stuff progressing? What about physical stuff?
It's progressing like a disease. ;) More and more. Naw, it's not bad. I have a spanish test tomorrow I have to study for tomorrow, but that's really the only thing I'm stressing about. And figuring out when I'm gonna have time to study for a grammar test me and Mary are taking Wednesday. ... Oh shoot... And I keep forgetting about History... I need to figure that out tomorrow. I need to take a test in there to and write a paper. I need to write a paper for art too... Okay on second thought I'm not going to think about this at the moment so I don't make things worse physically. O.o Jeeze... A's and B's so far. A's except Bible, I have yet to talk to her.
Physically.... Umm... Things are interesting. *nods head*
Well, just take the academic stuff one thing at a time. And if you need to rest, DO SO! Got it?
As for the physical stuff, I'm continuing to pray for you, my friend. I also adk the Lord to guard your mind and heart from the lies that come against us in difficult times. Just keep pressing in toward the One who loves you best, Imoutochan. <3
But... I need to get stuff done! I have teachers to get stuff done for... sisters to make proud... parents to keep happy... And my dad has always told me if you're going to give an excuse any excuse will do!
Thank you. <3 And hopefully you don't mind awful bad about tomorrow. :P
Hmm, perhaps this should be explored further in person. Speaking of which, I'm looking forward to tomorrow--whatever form it happens to take. ^_~ Goodnight, my friend. <3
Goodnight Jj. <3
*-* Goodnight, dear heart. Hang in there.
*holding back saying your full name* Why weren't you in bed? -_- It was past your bedtime! You!... You!... Ah! Go to bed when you're supposed to! You need sleep!!! Stay up past your bedtime again and you'll be grounded. You hear? Good! Now, you'd better be asleep right now or you are going to get hit tomorrow, right upside the noggin.
I had beter get my hug toroomw. Then amybe I iwll let you off the ohok. Hey! My odrws are diong bettre! :D I nca almost do my hmoewrko nwo! :)
Speaking of someone who needs to be asleep... *sigh* I'm so sorry, Imoutochan. Hopefully you were able to catch some sleep yourself. (And yes, I was asleep by the time you commented. And then I got up at 4am. ^_^)
You should have gotten up at 5 for the time you were up last night... o.- I'm watching you Jjchan...
And that terrifies me. It really does. ^_~ I'll have to make sure I toe the line...
Will you be on any tonight?
You okay? O.o
Yup. Thanks for asking. *-*
How are you?
Actually, I'm off on a grand adventure to capture and slay some Chinese takeout. [insert epic background music here] ^_~
*opens mouth in odd fashion trying to pop ears* *fails* I... can't hear. (I'm going deaf from listening to headphones on the mower... and quad... and go-cart for all these years) But! I got the last mowing of the season done! :) So, apart from deaf I am traumatized for reasons that are not blog safe. I can email you such reasons if you feel it really needs explained. Apart from that things are going okay. I've had a bad case of senior-itis today, so that wasn't very pleasant. I think I'll be okay though. ;) Hey, what blood type are you?
I was going to ask you if you wanted to borrow my Lifehouse cd too. ?
*gasp* Yes, I would love to borrow Lifehouse. Thank you!
If you want to send me details, feel free. Also (referring to your question from yesterday) if you want to send me any messages to pass along, I will happily do that.
The main purpose of sending you details would be so that you could laugh at me. So, if you're having a lukewarm kinda day it might make you chuckle at me. :P ...I doubt I will get any sympathy from this crowd.
*sniff sniff* Okay...
o.O Does that mean you're sharing, or not sharing? I'm very curious... ^_^
Your curious about what I have to share or whether I'm sharing?
Well, both I suppose (although I was technically referring to the first).
I'm also very curious why you would ask my blood type...?
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