Well, my friends, I spent this week having a marriage retreat with the Lord. It's been beautiful. And difficult. The Lord spent this week showing me an area where I fail to call upon Him in the ways I should be doing. He's slowly drawing me out of myself and teaching me to trust more completely in His goodness--and then act upon that trust. Since I'm wide awake at 2am, I bet our marriage retreat is not finished. So I'm off to have some cuddle time with Jesus!
And while I'm talking to Him, I will most certainly devote a few minutes to praying for you. Please feel free to share what the Lord is teaching you right now, dear reader--the beautiful and the difficult.
For the glory of Another
- not4myself
- This blog is meant to be a dialogue in which questions, ideas, frustrations, and worship can be shared. This is a place to engage the ideas presented by individuals--authors, singers, speakers, friends or strangers--and the culture at-large. This is a place to sift.
110 comments:
He's been teaching me how to pray. He's also been teaching me what his Spirit looks like. He's been teaching me how to hear the Spirit. He's been teaching me for a while now and I've seen it carried through this last week, to be more faithful in spending time with him. He's also shown me that people can change. He's shown me you don't need a spiritual "high" to see him work and be amazed and awe struck or hear him.
You know Jj... sometimes people are just up at 2 in the morning. It doesn't mean God woke you up, neccessarily. You know that some nights people just don't sleep... right? I'm just not as radical as you in that area, I guess. I don't beleive God is behind every little thing that happens. I don't beleive he's a clock-winder, but I don't beleive that everything single thing that happens is either caused by God or a demon. :P Anyway, sorry, I'll shut up. I was just curious what you would say.
Wonderful! I'm so happy to hear that! And yes, in some ways it's much better to lern through difficulty and "plodding" than a spiritual high breakthrough.
You're correct; and there are times when I just find myself awake in the middle of the night for no other reason than being hot, or something not agreeing with my stomach, or too much caffeine (chocolate) in my system. ^_^ But there's a difference...I'm not se how to describe it. If you're learning to hear the whispers of the Lord, hopefully you understand. I found myself wide awake and on my fee before conscious thought ever caught up with me to recognize tht it was 1:45. So I asked the Lord if He did in fact want me awake. I received an invitation to spend a little time together. *-* And when I returned to bed at 3:45, I fell right asleep, and awoke three hours later, fully refreshed. I don't know if this reply explores what you were hoping to discuss. If not, let me know. <3
How is the Lord teaching you to hear Him? Any particuar areas in which you've seen growth in listening or in prayer?
(And if that is what you were hoping to discuss, feel free to ask more questions or explore further. ^_^
Yeah, I get it then. :)
Uhu... this might take a while to respond to. O.o
^_^ Take all the time you need, my friend. Whenever/whatever the Lord gives you to share is welcome. Anything too personal for mass consumption, don't feel pressured to share here.
I hate nightmares and I hate excrutiating pain that I have no idea what it's from so it freaks me out. >.< I also hate fevers and shaking. .... And I hate being this far away from you!
Yeah... definitely going and waking my parents up now...
I'm so sorry, Imoutochan. I'm praying that you will tangibly feel the loving, protective arms of your Ever-Present Help. Hang in there. You are walking through this beside the Healer and Answer of all things. <3 Jj
Jj... there's something that's bugging me. Just think about it with an open mind. Every time that I've come across someone or maybe even myself usually the term "I'm harder on myself than I am on other people" is a form of excuse or a form of trying to illicit a less harsh response out of someone. Now, only you can know how you meant it or what was behind it, but you've said that a lot lately. Do you think there might be something deeper behind that?
Also, you know, I'm not any worse than anyone else. I'm no better and no worse. True, I have been the worst sinner of them all, but I don't sin more than other people on a regular basis. Does that make sense? It's like what I was, was certainly horrible and I would say I was the worst sinner of them all. But now since God is perfecting me and I'm becoming like him in his forgiveness, I just sin as much as the next guy and not nearly like I used to. So, I don't sin more than you, but you don't sin more than me. Does that make any sense? We're even.
Painting hard? (Is that what you did all day? What else did you do?)
I want to make sure I fully understand your thought before I accidentally answer the wrong question. I'm not positive I understand your thought at this point...
Yes, some strenuous housecleaning and painting. ^_^ But there's definite progress.
And it is true that you're harder on yourself than you are on other people. Most everyone with a soft heart does. It's when we find we need to verbalize that when those motives or underlying things we don't even realize are there come out. Because the people we're telling that to most often times are the people that know us and already know that without us having to tell them. We're just reminding them instead of trusting that they know that about our character, instead of trusting that they can see our heart under all our dirt and see that it's a good heart, a soft heart. :)
Jj, do you know what I think of you? Honey, I know you're a messed up human being. So am I. I've struggled with the same things you have. I've messed up in the same ways you have. When you do something wrong, I say: "Okay" and shrug. More often than that I think about what character it took to admit you were wrong or struggling and then I think about how God is changing you. Because of this I think about how beautiful you are becoming and because of that I think about how beautiful you already are. I think you are very very soft-hearted person who is sensitive to others and sensitive to messing up. Being sensitive to messing up means you have a soft heart for God and you care about making him happy and making those you love proud of you as well. It means you are trying to put God first in your life. It means God is crafting your character to hate sin just as he does and to strive toward being righteous, just as he wants. This is how I see you Jj. Not a screw up, not a filthy sinner ~ I see you as a beautiful woman who is being crafter into the image of God.
[The second part of what I wrote first was a side comment - not part of the original thought.]
Okay, hopefully I'm understanding your original thought. When I say that "I'm harder on myself than on other people" I mean it as an expression of acknowledgement that I don't accept the rightness of God's love and grace toward myself as well/easily as I accept the appropriateness of such grace toward other people. I mean it as a confession that I fail to recognize, and am uncomfortable accepting, the worth I have in God's eyes. So, thank you, my friend, for your kind words. And you're correct--I'm no more or less a broken sinner than anyone else. And I'm sad to discover just how fearful I am of believing myself to have the same merit in His eyes as the beautiful people (such as you) whom I have the privilege to pray for and walk with. I'm hoping to get better in this area; I just need to ackowledge the lack first.
Does that make sense? Does that follow the train of thought you were on?
Yes, thank you for clarification. :)
^_^ You're welcome. And thank you. *-*
How are you doing? How can I be praying for you today?
I worked very hard today. (Raiking and raiking and shoevling and spreading dirt and moving boards) So I am rather sore. And I'm still rather sick. Panda said I was pretty pink after school. I feel it. :P You can pray for my hormones. The world will be a safer place with those back in order at least. ;) I don't care as me as much as I do the people having to deal with me. And, I'm stressed about school. I don't think straight A's is in my grasp this quarter. I've been too sick. =/
But you're trying very hard. Don't worry about straight A's, dear heart. Just keep moving forward and pressing in. You're doing a very good job. ^_^ I'm proud of you. And yes, I'll certainly be praying for you regarding the physical and emotional. Just trust Jesus to supply the Rest, my friend. He's guarding and comforting you tonight, and always.
Job 28 <3
Why do you have glass in your hand Jj?
Do you think I fear God?
I have debris imbedded in my hand from a car accident two years ago.
Do I think you fear the Lord? Well if you mean "fear" in the good, right manner that we are called to fear and tremble before the Lord, then yes I think you do. I think sometimes you let other fears creep in too; and then you fear wrongly--worrying that you are not/cannot be saved, fearing that He does not love you, etc. We all fall victim to those lies sometimes...and our proper awe of God as we draw near to Him gets warped into a barrier of our own making. But you do a better and better job all the time of not beleiving the lies or building the barriers. ^_^
No Jj, why is it there?
I'm not sure I understand your question...
God allows things to happen to us for a reason. Why is there glass in your hand Jj? Have you ever asked him?
Yes, I have. I cannot say that I am aware of all the ways in which He has/is/will bless me through this, but I can tell you that it certainly forces me to be more dependent upon others. (In theory it forces me to be more slow and deliberate...but my procrastinating tendencies work counter to that; it may be a while yet before I succeed at pacing myself. ^_~)
Did you have a thought? What prompted you to ask this question?
Just curious.
^_^ Okay. Thank you for asking.
How are you doing today, my friend? I'm continuing to pray with you.
Today was not a good day... thank you for your prayers.
How are you?
:/ I'm sorry to hear that. 'Not good' in what respect(s)? *hug* Hang in there, friend.
I'm doing fairly well today. There's a lot of work to be done--grading, planning, finishing promised projects. (I'm very gratefully looking forward to some help with that last commitment. *-*) God is Good; He's walking me through this renewed job search and calling to greater levels of trust and relationship with Himself and others. I'm so blessed. *-*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akpRqrvl_EY
^_^ I just heard this song for the first time this evening. <3 Jj
Jj, I can't talk about it this evening. But I could seriously use some prayer, especially that I don't do anything stupid.
Got it. It would be my privilege. Just keep pressing in, dear heart; keep seeking His rest. And I'll continue praying for you. ^_^ Thank you for letting me participate.
You're welcome... Prayer can't hurt anyone I guess.
So far, I haven't died yet, so I'm doing good. :P Ugh...
No, it certainly won't hurt. ^_^ Battling for, and with, each other is all part of being a Body. Those who love you are the ones who will encourage and exhort you--because they want most deeply to see you reach the Lord's best. Praying for a friend is another huge part of loving each other rightly. <3
It's also the safest form...
^_^ But helping each other isn't necessarily meant to be safe, right? Battling alongside someone else involves brokenness and messiness and tears; but it also involves great joy and hope. And love. Lots of love. Prayer isn't "safe," dear heart. Loving isn't "safe." By sacrificing that safety, we receive a greater abundance of blessing than any safe, isolated little fortress could ever contain. But part of this mutual abandonment of safety requires a great measure of trust and honesty--going back to the brokenness and messiness, but also going back to the joy and hope. I'm proud of you: you're not being safe. And neither are those who love you. So, no matter what brokenness is tripped over, and what messiness is incurred, there will absolutely be a greater and greater abundance of joy and hope. And love. Lots of love.
I love you. And I'm praying for whatever is weighing on your heart tonight, my friend. <3 Jj
I'm doing a lot better than the first half of the day.
Oh yeah? Why is that? Are things any better than whatever was weighing so heavily on your heart yesterday evening?
I definitely feel better, yeah.
I'm very glad. ^_^
Okay. Is there anything you would like to ask or say?
Uhh... not really. Most of all my questions I had last night. :P
So, I've been feeling like I've been screwing up in our (me and you and panda) relationships a ton more than I've been helping. And I've wanted to quit. All I ever do is make things worse, like lies and things you guys have to deal with. *shrug* A lot of this plays into yesterday.
^_^ But if you (or I) walk away and shut yourself off, will that really fix anything? Isn't that course of action really the most selfish one? You're much better than that, dear heart. Yes, relationships involving learning and hurting and growing. But that's where love comes in--giving us the desire to stick with the difficult and painful to reach the joyful and healing that wait beyond. ^_^
I'm continuing to pray for you tonight, my friend. Just seek to Rest with the Lord. <3
Wanna hear something funny? Apparently one of my grandmother's favorite senior pictures is me holding my 3 stuffed animals. :) Heehee... I have a very proud misceif grin inside.
And since IWU is closing down their financial aid department, we're betting that's why mom didn't get the job.
*laughing* (grin out the outside)
Yes, that would make sense. One more situation in which we get the opportunity to trust the Lord's perfect timing and plan, huh? I'm praying right along with you. <3
:D I know that laugh!
And no, I really don't want to be in any reserve or be tied down to anyone. It's just, unless God puts a check in my mail box, it will be next to impossible. And I am not saying he isn't capable of doing so.
^_^ You and me both, kiddo. I'm right there with you. Let's just continue trusting the His plan for us--His best--is far beyond our limited hopes. Deal?
Deal.
^_^ Atta girl. I'm continually proud of you.
No, no sparky. :) God is too busy freaking me out. O.o
Oh yeah? Like what? ^_^ (I'm glad to hear it, by the way.)
Can I give you a longer explenantion later?
Goodnight, Imoutochan. <3 Jj
Psalms 17 amd 18, 112 and 113 <3
*head pat*
^_^ *-*
When the bright moon, laughing, dances into your room at 3am, what better way to respond than to get up and write two versions of an exam! ^_^
I'm praying for you today.
Proverbs 18:10
"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."
"Dear God, I don't know how you manage to wrap me in such a sweet, warm assurance of your love...and yet kick my ass at the same time."
I'm lost. Why is God kicking your ass?
Because He loves me. Healing involves pain (and plenty of snot).
^_~
^_^ How are you doing, Imoutochan? I'm proud of you; and I'm praying for you.
I have been better. =/ I'm reeeaaally sick. I have been struggling to get things done all day. Which so far, I have managed to make it through church, do laundry, sweep the new additions, weed, plant plants, and do all my spanish (or nearly all of it). And I still have to clean up my dump and write a letter tonight. Then in the morning I have to study, take a test, have Panda help me on one spanish sheet, and read the Martian Chronicles. Then tomorrow after school I get to take a test and write another report and then do a Bible paper most likely. And there is no way I can miss school tomorrow.
Wow, that's quite a full agenda. Psalm 84 and 57, my friend. The Lord will see you through. I'm praying for you.
Someone recently gave me a really wonderful gift--intended to help my bad hand. I've been putting it to good use ever since. *-* Today is no exception. And on the topic of gifts, the ideas which you and I have discussed before such as worth and gracious acceptance, are the areas in which the Lord has been so insistent upon working today. -_- (Ouch!)
*head pat*
*-* I getted a head pat.
And thank you, also, my friend, for your prayers and encouragement.
I hope you've been able to accomplish what you'd hoped to finish today? How are you feeling?
Um... my room is about half done. And the letter is about 1/3 done. I am extremely sick to my tummy and I have a migrain and I'm wondering... huh, there is going to be hardly any of our class there tomorrow. I am extremely sick. But I'm going anyway. This sucks.
I'm very sorry for how badly you're feeling. :/ Hang in there, dear heart. I'm praying that you'll be able to Rest before Jesus tonight.
Uggg... 9_9 *mumble...mutter*
I can't sleep. My tummy hurts too bad. I'm really sick from my sinus infection, but they think I have lots and lots of stomach ulcers from all the stress. :(
:( I'm very sorry, my friend. Are you going to the doctor?
:/ This possibility is partly why I've been so concerned about what/how much you eat, my friend. With the amount of stress you're under, it's a legitimate possibility. I know planning out meals and snacks can become just one more item on a very long agenda...but it will be very helpful to you in the long run, because you're body needs extra help right now. <3 I'm praying for you. And you know you're always welcome to ask questions or share thoughts here.
Thanks Jj.
I've continued praying for you today. How did your day go, my friend?
It was very long and very rough. =/ You should go to bed early dear.
^_^ I probably should. Interestingly enough, I was thinking the same thing about you, my friend. I'm sorry the day was long. But God's faithfulness still got you through it, right? What actions/thoughts from today can you praise Him about?
Thaaaaaanks. *gives an extremely weary smile*
Today was much better, I hope? Keep praising the Lord in all things, my friend. <3
Yes, it was.
^_^ I'm glad. How are you doing?
^_^ I'm doing fairly well. A bit tired, a bit stressed. Right now, I'm asking the Lord for a job...and He's telling me that I'm "not asking enough" of Him. So, at the moment, I'm puzzling out what I should be asking more specifically or instead of my present request.
I'd really like for my hand to no longer hurt. And I'd really like to be prepared for work tomorrow. ^_^
Ay, that's a good idea. :)
^_^ I think so too.
How are you doing today, my friend? What are you and Jesus discussing these days? What's on your heart?
PSalm 57 and 119 <3
*rubs exhausted teary eyes* Well I'm inviting you to be the normal you.
Jj... I gotted electrocuted. It made me cry it scared me so bad. :(
O_O How did that happen?
I had to tape of recepticals and my fingers touched the lead in wires... both of them. :P
Oh goodness... I'm so glad you're alright. <3
I just watched a hummingbird repeatedly hold a shouting match with my window, because the glass refused him access to the brightly-colored gummy flowers stuck on the inside of my window pane.
Heehee :)
^_^ So, is that in response to my combatative hummingbird friend, or something else?
Yes :)
I think dad my put the dog down soon. She's doing really bad and theres been several times where she's almost got run over because she won't move. And she won't eat. She's half deaf and blind. It's sad, but she needs to be put out of her misery. =/
I'm sorry that you will have to say goodbye to your long-time friend. :/ I know that's not easy.
Today I stumbled upon a journal entry of mine from April 3rd of last year--an entry in which I was discussing with the question a good friend had recently posed to me: "Why do you love me?" ^_^ Oh, I love how God answers.
Hmmm... :)
How are you doing today, my friend?
I've been reeeaaally productive. Aaand, very painful. O.o And exhausted. But it was still a restful day apart from some stress. [And my uncle finally proposed to his girlfriend :D]
You?
Congratulations, you! (And congratulations to your uncle, as well.) ^_^
I'm doing well. Not nearly as productive as I'd like, but I'm doing well. I'm looking forward to whatever the Lord has next...and at the same time my heart, being human, would love to avoid disappointment. In recent weeks, the Lord has gently confronted me with just how miserably bad I am at expecting Him to bless me richly. (I have absolutely no difficulty requesting and expecting Him to bless other people...but it feels very selfish to expect or demand anything or myself. In some ways, I'm just afraid He'll refuse, or ignore my desires--I'm afraid of rejection. Thank goodness that God is too loving to leave me there. ^_^ ) So, He's been telling me to ask Him for the desires of my heart. Which is rather funny, considering that He's confronting me on my inability to desire. But God is beautiful like that, my friend.
I've been asking the Lord to provide me with a job. Throughout the past week, He kept telling me that I wasn't asking enough of Him--that petitioning for a job wasn't asking enough. I was at a loss as to how I could ask something bigger or more specific. But just yesterday someone with whom I rarely converse made a strong suggestion for where I should seek employment. In my mind, it's outrageous and far-fetched and hopeless and...and...and I suddenly realized that it's exactly where and how I'd love to work if I were to ask God for what I truly want. Upon this person's strong suggestion, I've taken the uncomfortable, frightening step of recommending myself. So now I'm waiting to see what the Lord will do. ^_^ I'd appreciate your prayers.
I'm so happy that you had a restful day! God is so good.
What do I have to say here that makes it conversation worthy?
Hope you're feeling better. ^_^
Just share something your pondering or concerned about, ask a question, give God glory, etc.
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